Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Utterly Embarrassing Timing

Source: quickmeme.com via Amy on Pinterest

When you're single, you have to always be on your toes about your appearance.....who knows when you're going to get lucky, right? But when you've already met the man of your dreams and you can predict your "lucky nights" a little better, it's easy to slack off on certain habits......and by "certain habits" I mean hygienic routines......and by "hygienic routines" I'm referring to using a razor......and by "using a razor" if you still don't know what I'm talking about, I hope you pay big bucks for waxing or lasers, because if not, you behind on the times, my friend.
But you can bet your bank account that if we go on a road trip, I will be in tip top shape (just in case we get in a accident, so I look nice for the health care providers). 
This is why I was beyond embarrassed last week after my doctor's appointment. 

I'm about to go into a T.M.I. zone, so those of you who can't handle the truth should stop reading this. 

I called to cancel my followup GYN appointment, since Mother Nature came for a visit. So when they told me to come anyway, I didn't think there would be an exam.
Imagine the horror in my eyes when we walked into the private room and the nurse told me to strip from the waist down and don a sheet. 

Me: Oh no, they must have not told you. Shaking my head adamantly in the "No No No" motion.  I called two days ago to tell them Aunt Flow is visiting. 
Nurse: Yes, I know. Shaking her head reassuringly in the "Yes Yes Yes" motion. It's okay. I can just lay a padded sheet down for you.
Me: Oh.....okaaay then......Holy crap! Shoot! What a fool I am!!! 

I looked over at Patrick and made a scared face. 
We were smack in the middle of the moving process and even if I wanted to, I had no idea where my razor was hiding!!! I'd gotten out easy working days in a row, while having a "condition" to not be seen.....but now there was nothing to hide behind. Even the sheet wasn't going to save me for long. A double whammy against my flower points. 
It's completely understandable why my doctor reacted they way he did at the end of the appointment.

Doctor: "So........ how have ya'll been doing? You know, emotionally and socially?" 

"Socially" being the key work. As in, Have you been going out much? Because it looks like you haven't been doing anything around people in ages.....Or are you just planning to be a Cave Woman for Halloween and trying to look as realistic as possible?
At least it was the last time I have to have blood drawn for a while; I was starting to feel like a human pin cushion.
Oh, and the other good news is: I found my razor.

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