Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Venturing Outside of Farts


     I keep this note pad magnetized to our frig, so as we run out of groceries, we can easily write them on a ongoing list (scribbles on your right). So many times, I will cook something new, throwing in a dash of this, a pinch of that, the dish will come out fabulous, and a couple of months down the road when I want to recreate it, I have not an inkling what magic ingredients I used. For this reason, I attempted to document everything I put into the last soup I made (list on your left). If you do a quick scan of the list, you may notice a special ingredient that crept it's way to the bottom of the list. Oh yes, "1/2 cup farts".................I wonder who wrote that.....................................
     We love Hooters and all, but decided to show some love to a new place I've been eyeballing every time we walk to the American Airlines center. Naga Thai Kitchen. They have the place all decorated for Valentine's Day, which excited me, but we were both excited when we saw the 5 different kinds of Mojitos on the menu! First, we had to let Patrick's mom know, because she loves Mojitos so much that she carries her own fresh mint in her purse so bartenders can't deny her the drink. Then I ordered the pomegranate version, and Patrick went with the specialty Thai version: basil instead of mint leaves and a special Tequila instead of Rum. Yummy. 
     I ordered lettuce wraps, and got a 1/4 head of lettuce on the side! WHAT???? It was so good though, every crunchy bite infused with fresh ginger. I love ginger. It reminds me of.......something pure......light and earthy.........
     Patrick ordered an amazing flat noodle dish with a nutty sauce, cashews, a million kinds of meats, and carrot noodles. The chopsticks proved more useful in his nose than in his hands, but he eventually tackled the entire dish. The flavors were so unique and refreshing. Look at that presentation! They added orchid blossoms instead of  farts to their recipe. 
     The night started with a perfect meal, continued in stride with the Pledge of Allegiance sang by the Oak Ridge Boys, and ended perfect with a win for the Mav's. How long as that one guy had the luxurious white hair and beard? Since 1920 or so?
 
What's the last new place you tried? Did you like it? 

Monday, January 30, 2012

I'm Setting New Records.



     If you like to accessorize as much as I do, I'm confident you'll love this video. Scarfs, to me, are something pretty that can simply change an outfit, while keeping my neck cozy at the same time, which makes them the bomb diggity. When I watched this video it made me feel like a total Do Do Bird for not thinking of all these simple techniques myself.......and then I realized.......OMG.....I am a Do Do Bird in the most literal of senses. 

     I have my reasons; I really do. Here is a list of all the retarded stunts I'm guilty of committing within the last month. (These are only the ones I can recall off the top of my head, or am aware of....I'm sure there's many more.) Actually, I have a short term memory, so 4 of the 5 examples below are things that occurred just last week. 

     I wore my pants backwards for the first 2 hours of the day. The good news is the only people that saw me are everyone at my work, and everyone at the gym. I didn't realize the pressing issue until I tried to put something in my pocket and met resistance, due to the fact that the pockets were pointing toward my butt. 

     I feel asleep during a massage and woke up starring at the puddle of drool collecting on the carpet. (I hope the therapist didn't see.) If that wasn't embarrassing enough, the next time I went back, I was struggling with sinus issues and woke myself up with an abrupt snore. (The therapist never said a word.) Now I'm debating with the thought that either it happens all the time so they think nothing of it (like patients farting by accident in front of their nurses when getting out of bed), OR they have a drawing-pot in the office of who gets the girl that always does something mortifying during her massage {me}. 
     That guy I live with, or probably me...who knows, didn't close the freezer door all the way, so now it looks like a winter storm rampaged our frozen section! The sad part is, I was kind of happy about it, because it's one of the only times a year I get to see anything resembling a snow flake or icicle. 

     I scheduled at Doctor's appointment for 3:00 pm in the middle of a three night stretch at work. When I went to sleep that morning I thought I set my alarm clock for 2:00 pm, but as it turns out, I set it for 2:59 pm. Needless to say, I was late......and lucky that the doctor even saw me......oops.  

     I left my purse hanging on a chair in a restaurant. Just straight up left it there. Thank goodness we live in a honest community and a girl came running out after me in the parking lot, almost scaring me half to death, with my purse in hand. Otherwise, I might be too broke to write on this free blog. 
     It's a good thing I have the internet to make me smarter! A friend of mine found a tip on Pinterest that said, if you put your chives in a glass of water by the sun after you've used them, they will grow back. Despite my skeptics, I tried it, but put mine in a mason jar {for looks} with river rocks in the bottom {so the devil cat Lucifer wouldn't knock if off the window seal as easily}. These little babies are growing like weeds. I can't even eat them fast enough. Look at the roots sprouting! (And for the record, I have the furthest thing from a green thumb. You could call it {my thumb}black to be precise; see my fake iron flowers in the garden out front? They're there for a reason.)

What's the last random act of dumbness you committed?

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Weekly Wal-Lah: Don't Read While Hungry...You May Eat Your Computer.

     I mentioned last week that I started participating in Weight Watchers, since it is paid for by the hospital I work at, in efforts to be encouraged to eat more healthy foods. Needing ideas for inspiration, I've searched the internet high, low, sideways, diagonal, and have gathered some yummy ideas along the way. Pinterest, of course is a great source, but if you've never heard of Hungry Girl or Chocolate Covered Katie, you should definitely check out those girl's sites!
     And then I thought, maybe you'd want to see what's been cooking in  my kitchen for the last week........
     Enlightened by an idea they mentioned a couple of weeks ago on Biggest Loser, I started making homemade pizza using whole wheat tortilla's for the crust! First I brown the tortilla on a nonstick skillet with a tiny bit of no-cal cooking spray (like Pam), to ensure a super crispy factor, then I load it up with Newman's Own Marinara sauce (procedes to charity), fresh basil leaves, fresh spinach and agrula, mozzarella, artichoke hearts, fresh mushrooms and banana peppers, sauteed onion, the 1/2 ground venison + 1/2 ground carrots I made a few days prior, and pepperonis.
     They are amazingly fresh and delicous, and the entire thing is only 7 points!!!! (Compared to 7 points for a single piece of Domino's pizza.) The extra good news is you can put whatever is in your frig on these things and they taste great!! Yesterday I made one with fresh sliced roma tomatoes, fresh cilantro, sauteed slaw mix with red onion, and grilled chicken. Yum!
     These banana chocolate wontons came from Pinterest! I learned it doesn't take the extra calories of egg whites to make wonton edges stick together, all you need to do is dampen the edges with a little water using your finger! I also learned, halfway into to making these, that it's much easier, once you've sealed the top corner, to pick up the wonton to finish pinching off the edges. If you try seal the edges while it's laying flat on the pan, the contents try to squoosh out, and you can't fit as much in the wonton wrapper.
     I did not grease the baking sheet, didn't have a single problem, and also added a little cinnamon to  mine, because it makes everything better! These little babies hit the sweet tooth spot, while getting a little extra fruit in for the day, and only racking in at 2 points a piece!
     The next thing I got brave enough to try is Kale Chips, also discovered on Pinterest. Instead of using olive oil, I laid all the fresh pieces of kale in a single layer on a baking sheet, lightly sprayed with no-cal cooking spray and sprinkled with Garlic salt (just a tad, Kale is naturally a little salty tasting), Pepper, Cumin, and dried Oregano.  The first couple of bites were a tad strange, but enticing, and before I knew it, I LOVED them. Light, airy, crunchy. So crunchy! I didn't get a picture of the finished product because I was too busy eating it! Did I mention they are 0 points for all you can eat???!!! (Compare that to 4-9 points for a very small serving size of your favorite chips!)
     Another item I experimented with was Stuffed Eggplant, also found......you guess where. I know you're smart enough to figure it out, so I won't even type it. Of course I had to make a few of my own modifications. My stuffing included: 1 cup carrots, a hand-full of fresh cilantro, 5 fresh basil leaves, 1/2 green bell pepper, and 2 cups of spring salad mix----all pulverized together----- and then added that mix to the chopped eggplant guts, 1 cut Ricotta cheese, 1/2 cup sour cream, 1/2 cup weight watchers onion and chives whipped cream cheese, and 1 cup mozzarella. I filled the eggplant halves to the point of overflowing, placed in an foil boat, and after they were almost done in the oven, sprinkled with homemade garlic and herb whole wheat bread crumbs I had left over from the stuffed bell peppers.
     I loved this dish. Really loved it. But it wasn't Patrick's favorite; he's not a huge fan of Mediterranean style dishes, and this was spot on with that region's flavor. This baby has 7-8 points, but is a mighty beast to tackle in one sitting, so I split it in half, and paired with a light salad and fish for a decently pointed meal! (The ricotta cheese is a big point contributor, so I was thinking maybe small curd cottage cheese may be candidate for substitution. Also, the left over stuffing mix would be great for a dip, or to put on chicken or fish as a topping.....or maybe to even stuff a tomato??? Oh, the possibilities!!!)

Where do you get your healthy food ideas from? What's your favorite fix right now?

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

It Wasn't My Fault!!!....Well, it Kinda Was.....

     Actually, I lied a litte. It was totally my fault.
     "BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE!"
     Remember that song by the Talking Heads? That song makes me dance, in a good way. But a good way to get me dancing in a bad way is to put me in front of a grease fire! I just like the song, I really didn't mean to take it literally and set the kitchen on fire. I promise.
     It all started when we went to our friends Krystal and Justin's house for a Friday night dinner date. I brought stuffed bell peppers and sweet potato fries, but saved the finishing touches of the cooking for the last minute, to make sure everything tasted extra fresh! Since I can never leave the house without forgetting something, I left our fry-daddy behind.  Is it really true that not everyone in America owns their own grease frying machine????
     There we were, forced into improvision. It all sounded like a great idea until the grease boiling temperature rose too high, due to the lack of a regulator, and when I dropped the fries in for cooking, all hell broke loose!
     I'm having flash back memories now.

     FLASH! Smoldering grease bubbles are rising up. Up. Up. Rolling it's lethal liquid over the sides of the pan. 

     FLASH! A fimilar hand reaches out to move the pan off the glass top burner. Oh wait, I think that's my hand.

     BRIGHT FLASH! Flames ignite on top of the burner. Rising. They're at least 4 inches tall now. 

     FLASH! Everyone's running around. Some clear molten lava substence is running down the sides of the oven and on to the floor. My peripherals tell me Justin is soaking a dish cloth. I remained statued, planting my feet hard into the floor, otherwise I may run home and never return.

     TWINKLE. A tiny thought enters my brain. If I run away, never to return, then I would miss out on smores later. Guess I better stay.

     PANIC! My brother steps in front of the stove to do something. What's he doing?.......Wait!....He's pursing his lips. OH NO!! He's going to blow on the fire and it's going to spread!

     DARKNESS. No I didn't black out, or faint, or almost die. It worked. My brother, the certified Fire Fighter, blew out the fire like it was lit candles on a cake. Whew, I'm glad that's over.   

     The rest of the night was uneventful. We ate on the patio. We drank wine. We laughed, mostly at how retarded I am, and then again at how my brother fell asleep on our friend's couch (which he had never met before) at 9pm, before we even had dessert!  We sat by the fire and had a ridiculous amount of smores. They were amazing. And Krystal and Justin were amazing to even let me stay for dinner after what happened. I hope they let me come back again, but maybe next time I'll let Krystal do the cooking in her own kitchen.
     The weekend flew by faster than you can read this post. I remember waking up at the butt crack of dawn to run, carpooling to Waco with the Varenkamps, watching the most intense Baylor boys basketball game I've ever seen, hanging out with Jessica and Bobby that night, and waking up the next morning to this sweetness. Callie and Sumo are so lovey when we first show signs of life from slumber.
     Sunday morning Jessica and I made breakfast and we accidently consumed 19 of our 26 Weight Watchers points for the day! Oops. (Note to self: Waffles+syrup+bacon+eggs+girly coffee+mimosa's= too many points for one sitting) By the time Patrick and I drove home, Sunday was over. Just like that. And it's good thing, becuase I didn't have enough points to get me through a long day!
    
Have you ever started a grease fire? What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever done at someone else's house?

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Breaking Bad Habbits

     It's not a secret that I battle with 90 year old knees trapped in a 27 year old's body daily. But aside from my arthritis, there's been an intensely sharp pain shooting through my left knee when doing regular activities (like getting out of the car and trying to not look like an geezer) since early summer, so after trying to heal myself unsuccessfully for months, I finally went to the doctor. The guy with the doctrine's degree thinks it's patella tendonitis (agitation and inflammation of the tendon that connects the knee cap to the shin bone). He ordered physical therapy, so hopefully I'll be on the road to recovery.
     Until then, the training must go on. My friend Cristina and I met for a tasty breakfast at Main Street Bakery where I introduced her to her first taste of Eggs Benedict! Then we walked to Luke's Locker and got fitted for new running shoes. The man that consulted us happens to be the lead trainer to a program for those wanting to run anything from their first 5k to their first marathon, so when I found that out, I asked more questions than he probably bargained for.  I learned that I over pronate, and I run heal to toe, which causes extra impact on my knees! Go figure. He also mentioned I use too much of my upper body when I run, and instead should pretend I have a holster on my waist holding 2 guns, and to keep my hands over my guns. Harder than you think! Oh, and my shoes needed to be a half size bigger. Apparently I can't do anything right! 
     Yes, Flow, I have enormous clod-hoppers. Size 10.5 US to be exact, so stop looking at me like that, would ya? Obviously, I'm still recovering from the worst bruises in the history of mankind.
     Excited to try out my new kicks, I set a new record for myself on Saturday, waking up at 6am to get my long run in! (Anyone who knows me, is aware that waking up that early is already a miracle.) I lengthened my run from 4 miles to 4.5 miles, increased the base speed by 0.2 mph faster than last time, and managed more of the run on an incline of up to 3.5%, all while working on correcting things about my running technique (like trying to land mid-foot, and dropping my arms). I still increased my speed by .1mph every 1/4 lap for the last half mile of the run with left me with a finishing heart rate of 190 bpm, but otherwise, I hovered around 170-180 bpm. Improvement, improvement, improvement!
     Did I mention I did all that without any music?!?!? Yeah, I was on a tight time schedule with Patrick breathing down my neck about some notion of "being on time", and didn't realize the trusty iPod was dead until I got on the treadmill, which left plenty to think about for those 55minutes. I really didn't know I could accomplish something like that without motivational music, and I felt muscles I didn't know I had with my new running technique!
     If there's one thing anyone should know about my husband, it's this: he has the biggest heart of anyone I know. He bought this from some poor fellow ringing our doorbell last week with a bum hand and his kid by his side, going door to door telling a sad story about being laid-off, trying to sell these log candle holders he made to keep his family alive. It also came with a pink and white sucker (I'm guessing for a Valentines Day present??); I actually kinda like it, so I will find a place for it. But just so you know: if you ever need any money, or to solicite yourself/kids/grand kids/neighbors kids/imaginary kids/pets, just come to our house, wait for Patrick to answer, and you'll be golden. But if I answer, you better run.

Who do you know that has the biggest heart? What's your favorite type of music for motivation? Do you try to fix bad habits when you're working out, or just focus on finishing?

Monday, January 23, 2012

Drop it like it's Hot

     Growing up on the river, my dad would always supply fresh catfish for the dinner table. My parents have a video from when I was a little girl that my mom loves. My dad is standing at the counter filleting the fish, and tiny me is standing directly behind him, not as intent on watching his every move as I am determined for him to acknowledge what I'm trying to tell him. Over and over I would repeat myself, my mom videoing in the back ground, "I like it hot, Daddy. I like it hot." I'm pretty sure I was trying to say, I like the fried catfish as soon as it comes out of the grease, steaming and moist, and I wanted him to stop what he was doing right then and fry me a tail so I could munch on it's delightful crunchiness, but instead I adamantly continued, "I like it hot. I like it hot, Daddy."
     Fish. I love fresh fish (but don't have the luxury so readily available to me as I used to). So do the Koreans!! Feeling adventurous, I explored a little ways further down the street this week and decided to shop at this grocery store. It was overwhelming, to be honest. The smell of groceries foreign to me. The chill that fill the air. It was 63F that day, and I literally defrosted after walking back outside. I was also blown away at how much cheaper the produce was, and how many types of seafood they offer both frozen, defrosted, and dehydrated! I laughed at the idea that I was the only white person in the building, and yet they played more hip tunes overhead than any local grocery store I've ever been to. You go with your bad self, Carrollton Plaza Supermarket! 
     Feeling inspired by my friend Ji Youn from work, and now equipped with the proper ingredients, I attempted to make Japchae (sweet potato noodles with veggie stir fry) and a side of scallions with garlic butter sauce.  I wanted it it be fresh and authentic. So after deciding that Koreans must, like it hot, I added some of the pickled red peppers I bought at their supermarket. I think my mistake was cutting some of the peppers in half when adding them to the veggies, because that stir fry could ignite a fire in a gold diggers ass. I'm not even exaggerating; feel free to ask anyone in my family for validation. I'm sure Patrick and my brother would be happy to warn you. Oopsie-daisy. The good news is I kept the veggies separate from the noodles and the scallops, so not all was tainted by the devil juice of those peppers!
     No, I'm not sweeting and panting because of those peppers, I gave up on them. The weather has just been so nice lately that I couldn't resist taking the puppies roller-blading on my rest day for some light exercise {for me}, and a seriously heavy energy release {for them}. (I started this escapade forgetting about the killer knot bruises on my legs!! Dumb.) Things started off a little crazy with Callie and Sumo working as a team to pull me, and myself effortlessly rolling forward, yelling out, "Muush! Muush!!", every now and then.......but that didn't last long (I stopped when the neighbors started to stare.....and Sumo needed to poo anyway). In hardly no time, I had them running by my side, or behind me, so nicely that even Cesar Millan would be impressed. I'm going to go ahead and say I'm ready for my big debut in Roller Derby, because I dodged, jumped over, and trekked through enough grass breaks, water puddles, craters, acorns, and limbs on our neighborhood sidewalks to hang with the toughest of those girls. I somehow managed to stay erect on my wheels the entire adventure, but never regretted the hat hair formed by the safety of my helmet!
     The pups had lots of fun, but were sprinting to the house as soon as they recognized it. Straight to the watering hole and cold floor they went! Look at those smiling faces, and calm submissive behavior! Aggghhhhh, the good life. 
     What I learned this week: I like it hot, but not THAT hot. 

What's your favorite "hot" food? When was the last time you went rollerblading -if ever-?

Thursday, January 19, 2012

I Promise For-Real this Time: Last One


     Have you ever seen such a thing? This guy had some serious creep factor written all over his mask. I'm getting the heebbeejeebee's just looking at this picture!!! He drove behind us on our way to Waco, and I wanted to slap him after giving him a lecture for not wearing a helmet, especially while sporting a mask creepy enough to halt traffic into causing a wreck!
     I know I said I wouldn't talk about Christmas anymore until next year, but sometimes I lie. We had one LAST celebration to undertake with some extended family. We learned a few things while we were there.

1.Boys are really, really, good at catching cheese balls in their mouths; we had a cheese ball catching tournament. 
2. Everyone in the family cares more about football than me, but that was probably already common knowledge.
3. It's ridiculous how much older the girls look every year; deep down I know this, but it always blows my mind. 
4. No matter how many years you've been married, The Newlywed Game is always tricky, and when Patrick has had a few beers he doesn't mind saying inappropriate things in front of a censored audience!
     After foo-foo Christmas, the men and women split into different rooms and we were quizzed by Aunt B and Uncle Larry for a friendly game of Newlyweds. To put it mildly, I think we all have a bit of a competitive streak, but nothing can change the fact that no matter how many years you've been married: the man will ALWAYS think differently than the woman. It was a pretty close run, but Patrick and I didn't win. I'm contributing part of this blame to myself, for working crazy hours, and part of the blame to my dear husband for saying things like, "When she's on top of me naked", for an answer..........without proclaiming "earmuffs" first. I hope the preteens in the room already received the "birds and the bees" talk, because if not, we may be in trouble. 

Any good embarrassing family stories out there to tell?

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Yin Yang Morning

     With my delivery position at work, I have the oppurtunity to leave 30 minutes earlier than normal, which has opened a door for me to witness some pretty amazing sunrises at this time of year. It's baffling how fast they change. Even at those moments when it seems like time is standing still, or your world is going no where, all you have to do is look up. The sky is constantly revolving, and behind it, somewhere in the unknown is He who paints these majestic creations to remind us that life is beautiful, no matter how difficult it may feel in the instant.
     On my way home, I sat at a traffic light, gawking at the sky, and cursing myself at the same time for not having a camera {or even enough battery on my phone} to capture what I saw at that moment. Two different personalities presented themselves before me. Carefree fluffly clouds as white as fresh luxury hotel linen floated on one side, opposed by intangibly grim dark grey clouds with fingers splayed and reaching, separated only by a full moon, lingering way past it's bedtime, nesting in a vividly saturated blue sky, it's existance threatened by the growing orange glow of the rising sun. It was the sky's version of yin yang, opposites coexisiting. Each making the other more real.  
     It was fabulous, and I have nothing but the use of my limited vocubulary to share it's glory with you. Of course it faded too fast, as does all those precious moments in life, but I did manage to freeze this second in time. Aren't the layers so cool?


What's your favorite part about morning, if you have one???

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

News Flash: Sometimes I'm Lame

     Does it make me a total nerd to drive with my windows down in January and play old N'Sync songs at excessively loud sound levels while singing along to every word? The guy that rolled up next to me on his bike at a traffic light thought so. I wanted to tell him not to be jealous he didn't have a cool sound system for his bicycle to listen to his guilty pleasures while cruising, that's why I had mine so loud.....to share with those less fortunate, of course. 
     As it turns out, I'm pretty lame when I'm sick, which I have been (in case you were wondering). My weekend consisted of sleeping, eating, sleeping, running, sleeping, watching basketball, blowing my nose....oh yeah, and sleeping. I did manage to do one amazing thing, though. I ran 45 striaght minutes on the treadmill set at rolling foothills, which panned out to be 4 miles. That's the longest I've ever ran, without walking in between, in my entire life. Okay, so maybe it's not compeltely amazing, but it felt like a victory to me. Insignificant feat for mankind (to be generous), huge feat for mauh. I've got a long way to go in my half-marathon training, but can see my progress! My heart rate was 190 when I finished, despite my breathing being controlled and I didn't feel like I was dying. I'm going to go ahead to take the privilage to contribute my excessive heart rate to cold remedy medications instead of being in an anaerobic state, but I refused to let a stinking cold put me behind in my training.
     It wasn't until Patrick asked me to "jay-run" across the street later that night on our way to the Mav's game that I realized how tired my knees were. I could barely speed walk, no exaggeration, so I spent the night propped up in bed covered in ice packs, icy hot, and heating pads, as I have every bedtime for the last 2 weeks. It was a small price to pay for the phenomenal reward to my exasperating workout, the extra Weight Watchers points I earned for my double tall draft Dos Equis that I thoroughly enjoyed while people watching at Hooters for happy hour before the game! Score!!
     When we made it to our section, someone was in our seats.

Man in Our Seats: Oh, are these your seats?.......

Us: Why yes, yes, they are. We have these seats for half the season......

 Man in Our Seats: Well I actually have season tickets too, on the front row of this section. I was wondering if you wanted to trade for tonight so I could sit with the rest of my family?

Us: Why yes, yes, we will. Will will trade you for front row any time, sir.

"Front row baby! Let's go mavs!

Kayla just checked in @ American Airlines Center for Sacramento Kings vs. Dallas Mavericks (w/ 77 others) (Dallas, TX)
 ·  · Kayla on foursquare · Saturday at 8:06pm via foursquare"

     Okay, so my twitter may have been a tad deceiving, "Front row baby!", but it was a small technicality for us. (Front row upper level, yeah baby yeah!!!) Another bonus, a lady with a large fancy smanshy camera stopped to take our picture, and here we are on a website. The darn thing is so overly copyrighted that it wont even let me save it to the computer with the watermark on it!!! Ugh, what-ever!!! At least you can view it on the link:
My Mavs Fan Photo http://t.co/KVcednln

Are you a good sport when you're sick?  If you like basketball, who's your favorite? What's your guilty pleasure music?

Monday, January 16, 2012

Diets are Dangerous.....And so is Work....And so is Girls Night

Last week I  had an accident. I'm pretty much a klutz anyway, but I've got the injuries to show for it this time. I was pushing some metal carts filled with supplies at work, and when they stopped rolling and started falling forward, I could see everything flying out of the drawers before my eyes. In desperate efforts to save myself from a maticulously unnecessary clean up, I lunged for them like super woman. Lets just say it turns out, I'm not invincible. What this picture doesn't reveal are the huge knots under the bruises that make people say things like, "EW!!! Gross!!! Oh my goodness!!" while their jaws drop and noses wrinkle when I peer pressure them in to touching them {the bruises} (oh yeah, I've been showing off and whining about how terrible life can be), or the huge purple monster bruise residing on my back left thigh (which I'm assuming I aquired during my pole dancing escapades).
I started Weight Watchers last week and have gotten a lot of hell about it from people that keep telling me I'm not fat. No, I don't think I'm fat. Yes, I do realize I eat a ton of unhealthy food in unhealthy amounts and was looking for something to gently nudge me into a healthier way of life without cutting out my favorite foods, while holding me accountable. If it means I end up losing a few L.B.'s in the process, that's completely acceptable, since according to the BMI calculator I am one point away from being overweight. I know, I carry it well........and we all know where I hold it!  So I am exploring new things big on flavor but light on points, and thanks to my girl Heather for inspiriation, decided to try this frozen banana instead of ice-cream craze. It looks pretty good, huh? 
Here's what I did:
1. Peeled and sliced a banana, placed in baggy and froze it
2. Threw it in the blender until nice and pulverized (FYI, the food processor does not work for this task, it must be a blender)
3. Gathered in a bowl and drizzled with Lite Chocolate Syrup and homemade candied pecans

It's suppose to taste exactly like banana ice cream. I'd rate it a 6 on a scale of 1-10, but I have high taste standards. What I'd do in the future for a 10/10 is add some milk while blending the bananas, or even better, maybe a tiny bit of vanilla ice cream. OMG, I'm making my own mouth water now. But seriously, it was pretty good, and an entire creative fruit serving with added protein and only a tiny bit of chocolate for some va-va-voom. 
Some time ago, before our wedding, I decided I wanted to look awesome. Like Playboy model awesome. I've come to terms with the fact that every Playboy and Maxium magazine I've glanced at in the last 5 years is filled with girls younger than me, but there's no reason why I shouldn't be able to be mistaken for one of those girls, right? I joined a Biggest Loser contest at my gym, with the goal of losing the most percent body fat. I worked out hard, ate clean, and eventually won the girls division. But that's not my point. One night during that span of weeks, I was famished and couldn't seem to consume enough of my salad and fish fast enough to cure my growling belly. That's when it happened. With the next bite, in my hasty starved foolishness, I  chomped down on my fork and chipped my front tooth. I've spent the last 4 years obsessively fondling that unnatural jagged curve at the base of my fore front central tooth with my tongue. I was going to post a picture of evidence for you, but after taking it, realized I still had left over food on my face from who knows what, and decided one unflattering picture is enough for a single post. It's my constant reminder to not let food greed get a hold on me too tightly. Until last week...........I was so hungry (because I missed my snack time at work after getting busy), when I finally got a chance to munch on some grind-age, I chewed too fast and bit the inside of my lower lip.
Geezzz!!

Got any funny klutz stories to make me feel better?

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

French Fried Tatters...........MMMMM.......HMMM



Since hangovers are for kids, and grown-ups have to get a move on..........and I am definately a grown up.........sometimes, Patrick spent an hour trying to wake me up the next day so we could head to Waco for our January Christmas celebration. We decided a long time ago it was too hard to get every family member together in December, so we pushed our Foo-Foo exchange back a month, taking turns hosting. 
I was a little dizzy and extremely nauseated, so I showered with my eyes closed, and whined for Jack-in-the-Box until my wish came true. Patrick was upset with me for not wanting Whataburger, and then for ordering him the wrong thing (I could barely talk and stand at the same time, much less remember short term information), but all was good once we found this gem of a french fry!!!!
My dear Watson, I needed a new pair of glasses anyway!!!!
I'm watching you with my spectacles, punk!!!!
Dear madam, it seems as though you may be a bit hungover.......
Nanaynaybooboo......I can see you!
Look maw, no hands!!!
Of course, Lucifer is the only member of the family that refused to coorperate. Look at her. She's so completely consumed by her grouchy ways that her ears are pinned back even when she's enjoying herself! Anyone want a cat?........Anyone?
By the way, if you've never seen me try to hoola-hoop, you should watch this 4am video of Vanaynay trying to teach me the ropes! It seems to mesh well with my week of  "adult activity". Don't give up on me, it's worth it to watch at least 5 minutes of the video, I PROMISE!!!
I was doing my famous 45 minute stretch after my workout a couple of days ago, and couldn't help but watch the Zumba class through the window. Is is just me, or does anyone else think that it looks a little like a new age Richard Simmons video???? Either way, I think I'm going to try it; I love salsa music!!!


Does anyone (besides my husband) know what movie the quote, "French fried tatters....MMM...HMMM...." comes from? 
Are you a good Hoola-Hooper????

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Pole Dancing's Not for Sissy's!


A large group of us work gals were able to pull ourselves together for a girls night out this weekend! There was a whopping 13 of us, and I'm not exactly sure who was at work, but it was the last thing on our minds. 
We scarfed some grub at House of Blues and headed downstairs for a fantastic 80's cover band concert: The Molly Ringwald's!!!!! They seriously put together a perfect mix of energizing classics, and I don't think there was a moment gone by that we weren't singing and dancing our little big hearts out.  
My favorite Respiratory Therapists!!!..............
..............I work with some fine looking girls, huh????
This guy was cracking me up! He was the only person I saw in costume, but I ain't hatin'; he pulls off those skin tight zebra pants as good as Robert Plant could!
After the concert, we weren't ready to call it a night, after all, we do work the graveyard shift, so we headed  to the Manhattan Lounge in downtown for some night cap dancing. 
The next day I was sooooo sore. I'm talking every muscle in my body sore. Head to toe, especially my arms in shoulders. I was thinking it was from the amazing work out I had the day before, but..........
That's when I remembered the real reason...................They had a silver rod set up in Manhattan's, and I decided to show all the ladies my pole dancing moves I learned a couple of years ago in a class!!!! Let me just go ahead and set the record straight. Pole dancing in itself is not for sissy's. It is a major, hardcore, full body Pilates workout, with a bit of sexy worked in. And it is especially difficult with red silk editor's pants on............
(I show off some of my moves in class in the video on the top of the page. I'm the one that sets up the camera and runs to the back!)
We played so hard that we fell asleep on the ride home, just like a bunch of kids. And the picture below should be a pretty accurate indicator of exactly how I felt the next day. Too bad there was no time for hangover's. There's never enough time for anything anymore!!!
Thanks for a great night out girls!!!!!

Have you ever pole danced before? What's your remedy for a hangover?

Monday, January 9, 2012

Dreams Lie and Water Wins.......This Time

     Apparently my dreams lie. They completely lead me on. I'm not amphebien after all. Which is as huge let down, but not as huge as the fact that I just realized I can't swim very well. I think I may need lessons, but I can't help but wonder: Would I be the only 27 year old learning to swim properly with a bunch of toddlers?
     Training for this half marathon is really kicking my butt.....actually my knees; my butt is fine and still as round as ever. In order to keep my decrepit joints in working condition, I spend the evenings loaded down with ice packs, heating pads, icy hot, Alieve......looking like I've been beat up in a gang bang..........and cross-training with low impact cardio activity 6 days a week. Last week I "ran" on the Precor for 35 minutes, followed by 25 minutes of running on the treadmill (my lungs and heart felt like I could have continued for way longer, but unfortunately my knees were screaming otherwise), and on the other days I "ran" on the spin bike and "ran" in the pool. 
     All of this "running" stuff is find and dandy, but I'm always envious of the swimmers in the pool next to me (and how amazing their bodies look), so I decided to buy a pair of goggles, ditch the tennis shoes, and get a different kind of work-out underway. After all, my dad used to be on the swim team, it must run in the family, right? I hopped into a lane wearing my sexy-black-one-peice-mom-bathing-suit, got a feel for the water, slid my bug-eyed goggles into place, took a glance at the swimmers next to me.........and went for it. About 3 seconds and two arm strokes later, my heart rate was about 200 and I was gasping for air. I tried this a few times, but eventually grew tired of sinking and drowning in 4 foot water. As if wearing that gid-up isn't embarrassing enough! 
     So it's becoming clear that when put in a sink or swim situation, I can float (using my buns as my floaties)......but swimming like a pro definitely isn't my thing (as of yet). I'm not one to be conquered. I'm going to figure this out one way or another. Until then, I've got the amphibeans beat, becuase they don't get to witness scenes like this........ever! 
I snapped this shot as Patrick's Parents house this weekend. Isn't it beautiful?


Do you ever swim for a workout? What secret ingredient am I missing?

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Is my Mic' on? Because I'm on a Roll......a Roll of Randomness.




I finished the The Hunger Games Trilogy! It was a long two weeks, with all the suspense! I'd compare it to turning a movie off at the climax before the resolution....every single time you stop reading! It's always the same for me when I finish a book. At first, I have a feeling of satisfaction and accomlishment. Then I'm struck by a feeling of loss and emptiness, like I have to mourn the book becuase it is no longer a huge part of my life. I get so consumed while I'm reading, connecting with the characters and living in their world; I miss them once it's all over. It's difficult to describe, but hopefully someone out there knows what I'm talking about!......Anyone?........Anyone?.............Is my mic' on?
How do you like Patrick's fake boogie??? Looks pretty real, huh? I find real ones, like this, on his shirt every so often. To this day, I still don't understand how a person can blow their nose, and completely miss the kleenex more than one time in their life. I let him slide though, because of what happened: A few years ago, I had a runny nose-- the kind stays at the tip of your nose, but never seems to accumulate enough to blow--..........and when I leaned down to kiss that handsome fellow of mine, a drop of snot dripped out and landed on his shirt. Fortunately, he loved me enough to still kiss me after that! How did I ever get so lucky? "Don't kiss your hunny when your nose is runny. You may think it's funny, but it snot!"
We did it, we did it! Well.......actually the Mavericks did it. I didn't do anything but scream a bunch of useless crap at them while they ran their butts off, up and down the court. 

This Michael Jackson dancer is so fun to watch, with all his dummies mimicking his moves. You've got to be extra skilled to keep your moves smooth while directing 4 other bodies at the same time!

And then there's these two weirdos. I think they may have been confused. Yes, yes, that must be the case. I hope they weren't too broken hearted when they realized titty baby Wade wasn't going to play in this game. 
Our seats are pretty awesome. No one's directly behind us, and our short little row is elevated above the people below us. Perfect. Just perfect. 
I've decided the Mav's dancers have it made, far beyond the cowboy's cheerleaders. They are protected from the weather's elements, don't have to perform the entire game, and can rest easy knowing they wont be trampled by a huge football player crashing into the sidelines. Sweet deal. 
I can't believe we haven't seen Kloe Kardashian all over the screen yet.......Maybe I'll run into her one day, and she'll see my butt and think maybe I'm a long lost sister of the family, and we'll become close friends over it all, and she'll feel bad that we live in Texas, and since she likes me so much, she'll donate a ton of money to me so Patrick and I can move back to California!!!! But it's detrimental that I be very careful. She may discover my blog, and read this post, and then get mad that I had a master plan, take all her money back, and we'd be homeless.......... I better stop thinking about this so hard before steam starts seeping from my ears.

What's the latest book you've read? Are you diggin' basketball yet this year? Any fun booger stories lerking out there?


 

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