Monday, January 16, 2012

Diets are Dangerous.....And so is Work....And so is Girls Night

Last week I  had an accident. I'm pretty much a klutz anyway, but I've got the injuries to show for it this time. I was pushing some metal carts filled with supplies at work, and when they stopped rolling and started falling forward, I could see everything flying out of the drawers before my eyes. In desperate efforts to save myself from a maticulously unnecessary clean up, I lunged for them like super woman. Lets just say it turns out, I'm not invincible. What this picture doesn't reveal are the huge knots under the bruises that make people say things like, "EW!!! Gross!!! Oh my goodness!!" while their jaws drop and noses wrinkle when I peer pressure them in to touching them {the bruises} (oh yeah, I've been showing off and whining about how terrible life can be), or the huge purple monster bruise residing on my back left thigh (which I'm assuming I aquired during my pole dancing escapades).
I started Weight Watchers last week and have gotten a lot of hell about it from people that keep telling me I'm not fat. No, I don't think I'm fat. Yes, I do realize I eat a ton of unhealthy food in unhealthy amounts and was looking for something to gently nudge me into a healthier way of life without cutting out my favorite foods, while holding me accountable. If it means I end up losing a few L.B.'s in the process, that's completely acceptable, since according to the BMI calculator I am one point away from being overweight. I know, I carry it well........and we all know where I hold it!  So I am exploring new things big on flavor but light on points, and thanks to my girl Heather for inspiriation, decided to try this frozen banana instead of ice-cream craze. It looks pretty good, huh? 
Here's what I did:
1. Peeled and sliced a banana, placed in baggy and froze it
2. Threw it in the blender until nice and pulverized (FYI, the food processor does not work for this task, it must be a blender)
3. Gathered in a bowl and drizzled with Lite Chocolate Syrup and homemade candied pecans

It's suppose to taste exactly like banana ice cream. I'd rate it a 6 on a scale of 1-10, but I have high taste standards. What I'd do in the future for a 10/10 is add some milk while blending the bananas, or even better, maybe a tiny bit of vanilla ice cream. OMG, I'm making my own mouth water now. But seriously, it was pretty good, and an entire creative fruit serving with added protein and only a tiny bit of chocolate for some va-va-voom. 
Some time ago, before our wedding, I decided I wanted to look awesome. Like Playboy model awesome. I've come to terms with the fact that every Playboy and Maxium magazine I've glanced at in the last 5 years is filled with girls younger than me, but there's no reason why I shouldn't be able to be mistaken for one of those girls, right? I joined a Biggest Loser contest at my gym, with the goal of losing the most percent body fat. I worked out hard, ate clean, and eventually won the girls division. But that's not my point. One night during that span of weeks, I was famished and couldn't seem to consume enough of my salad and fish fast enough to cure my growling belly. That's when it happened. With the next bite, in my hasty starved foolishness, I  chomped down on my fork and chipped my front tooth. I've spent the last 4 years obsessively fondling that unnatural jagged curve at the base of my fore front central tooth with my tongue. I was going to post a picture of evidence for you, but after taking it, realized I still had left over food on my face from who knows what, and decided one unflattering picture is enough for a single post. It's my constant reminder to not let food greed get a hold on me too tightly. Until last week...........I was so hungry (because I missed my snack time at work after getting busy), when I finally got a chance to munch on some grind-age, I chewed too fast and bit the inside of my lower lip.

Got any funny klutz stories to make me feel better?

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