Tuesday, June 26, 2012

It Came!!!! Run For the Water!!

It happened again. Summer came. 
Outside temperatures have officially reached triple digit heights, attempting to destruct the happiness that is my life. I'm pretty sure it's safe to say they {the digits} are here to stay, so I've started planning my survival.
First on the list, head my parent's new lake lot and hibernate in the water, on a floaty, with an ice cold Dos Equis in my belly.
I've always thought sleeping in the sun makes for some of the best naps, especially when my body is surrounded by cool liquid.
My parents said when they win the lottery, they are going to buy this peninsula house. Of course we anchored here, so we could admire the future residence.
My dad, he loves to smile for candids.
Obviously, there's a personality gap. 
But how can our faces be any other way when there's not much in this world more invigorating than feeling the wind whipping it's aroma cocktail of fresh nature rich molecules and gasoline vapors through your hair. Just call me Ricky Bobby, because I like to go fast, espeically when I'm sitting on the front bench of the boat and we hit a big wave that makes the water crash up over the edges and my tummy does a little flip-flop. That makes me extra excited. 
How symbolic.....I'm the only woman in his eyes. (I apologize, if you had to wipe any cheese off your face after that last statement.)
Every half hour I heard, "Hey Hunny, wake up. I'm bored. Talk to me about something."
Ummm.....how 'bout I just snore to you about something instead?
I wonder why the last rule ever needed to be pointed out? Makes me think someone got hooked by a dock fisher. Patrick got fish hooked in the Elbin (elbow-skin) once. He apparently was such a wuss about it, he had to be taking to the ER for them to remove it! Ahhh, I wish I was there for a moment like that, so I could laugh about how it happened. 
"No loitering," at a boating dock? Seriously?
 The law people at Richland Chambers don't mess around. We were only on the water for about 2.5 minutes before the Game Wardens interrogated us. 
But ain't no law gonna hold us down, fools, because we came prepared. 
There's nothing like spending a weekend sleeping in a 1/4 size twin bunk bed, pooping in a bag, and showering in a shower that looks like it was stolen from the set of The Fifth Element and made for a 5ft  0in person, to make you really appreciate the frequently simple, but convenient accommodations in life. 
Oh ya, and we brought the pups. They loved being outside in the shade, kept company by box fans and their people all day long.
Good times......as long as you remembered to apply plenty of mosquito spray first, forget that, and your good times are over. 




What do you do to survive the summer heat? What's your breaking point?



Thursday, June 21, 2012

If Heaven Were on Earth, I Found it

I read a short Yahoo article about a young girl, with a rare syndrome, waking up after sleeping for 2 months (all the legit news is on Yahoo). I slept for 18 hours one day last week and only got up because I knew it was socially unacceptable, without the excuse of having an incurable illness or growing a human life, to sleep longer. I think I may have this Sleeping Beauty Syndrome.
Every now and then, when the stars don't line up just right, my mood takes an unusual flip into a southern direction. Somehow the traffic seems to be heavier that day, the lights always red, the people around me a little too obnoxious, the microwave heats to record temperatures, melting my favorite tub-aware container, my work shift a few hours too long....and it's usually associated with my sleep window being cut several hours short of refreshing
People who know me stare in disbelief as I whine, gripe, and complain. Then I'm disgusted with my poor behavior, because attitudes should be worth catching.
So yesterday morning I bailed on my running date to trade for an extra hour of sleep, and what a difference it made in my world. I arrived to my dinner date, with my traveling friend Latricia, at Cowboy Chicken 10 minutes early because everything went perfectly right along they way. We had time to laugh and look at all her beautiful adventure pictures. I got an extra free drink at Starbucks, which I gave to my friend Jessica, who's day was starting a little less fortunate than mine. Then my friend Ale sent me a text, saying she was bringing me a cookie to work from her favorite bakery. I swear, it doesn't get much better.
If sleeping in was a religion, I would be baptized in sheets of linen and drinking my chocolate milk from a holy grail in bed everyday.
So, the real question is, if you should do what you love, how can I land a gig getting paid for sleeping unusually long lengths of time?
P.S. I always look exactly that beautiful in bed. Always. (Do you think that would help me get a high salary sleeping job?)


How many hours of sleep per day do you need to function?



Wednesday, June 20, 2012

I Actually Kept a Secret!!!



This is not a joke. I've personally witnessed the following statements.
"Who's Nirvana? Is that a place or something?"
"Who are the Toadies?"
 Who are you people and where did you come from!?!?!? Are you aliens from another universe? It's hard to imagine that even on a different planet within our solar system you could be ignorant to such great music. 
After a morning of jam packed fun, we cleaned up and headed to the surprise I'd been teasing Patrick with for the last month. It was unbelievably difficult to keep my mouth and excitement on lock down for so long, but actually managed not to break until we finished the mud run.
Then I think he fell a little more in love with me. 
We washed the mud from all our crevices and got in line early, not only to admire this creative smoker, but to make sure we landed a comfy spot to stand for the next 5 hours. 
What do the lead singers of these bands have in common: Cold Play, Seether, Dave Matthews, Stain'd?
They have sexy voices. What makes them sexy? There's nothing perfect about their singing technique, except for perfect imperfection. It's more about the way they express their lyrics with emotion that sounds so sincere and believable. I'd add the singer of the Toadies to that list if his lyrics weren't so creepy!
Our goal at scoring a good perch could not have been more perfectly met. We found a ledge to lean on, positioned above the mosh crowd, and laughed with the couple next to us as we people watched the drunk leading the drunker. It was good stuff.
When the band returned to the stage for their encore, they brought out a special guest: the lead guitarist that started the band over 20 years ago. They all bowed down to him and made worshiping gestures to his skills, then proceeded to jam. 
They actually played 5 songs during the encore, one of them being a really dramatic drum version of  "I Burn", with the members from the opening bands playing extra drums, which was probably the highlight of their life, and I only caught the last part of it on the video I featured above. I think they were super fired up since it was their last show before having a month off, after working hard on their new album. 
And to finish a fun filled day the right way, we ate Whataburger on the couch and compared battle wounds from the morning Mud Run. It's insane how many injuries you can acquire unknowingly when your adrenaline is pumping. I've got some impressive bruising, but Patrick won; that boy is so beat up it's almost not funny.
Check out those fancy armbands; the Palladium people actually scanned our Driver's License and these things popped out of a machine...very high tech. 
Seriously, if you aren't familiar with this band, your official homework for this week is to youtube these songs: I Burn, Tyler, Away, Backslider, I Come from the Water, Possum Kingdom.
You'll be a happier person. 


What's your favorite "go to" food to end a late night?



Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Muddy Ass Grabber

"Oh my gosh.......Just look at you!......You are COVERED in MUD!.....Those clothes are ruined! Where have you been????"
Quote by Sandra Evans, Loving mother of Me

I'm not sure how many times I heard that as a child, or how many loads of ruined laundry my mother attempted to save. All I remember is how fun it was to walk over to the Buzbee's house, run the water hose into the sand box, and spend countless hours having mud fights.....or going down to the river with my bother and making mud communities......or covering myself with that thick Brazos clay and pretend I was a sea monster.
I can't say I've done anything like that in a long time, until now...becuase we participated in the muddy Galdiator Rock n' Run on Saturday! We so cleverly named ourselves the Roamin' Undies, a play on words inspired by the Roman Gladiators and our underwear wearing, obstacle course tackling, super hero version of ourselves.
I can't deny, when I was putting on my clothes that morning, I heard my mom in the back of my head fretting, and I wondered, "Would these clothes be ruined?" Ugh, what a girl I've become.
We heard we should duct tape our shoes on, so as first timers, we took every piece of advice to heart, just in case.
Patrick cooled our nerves with a little comedic relief.
And before we knew it, we were standing at the starting line, ready for the gun to sound. I had my disposable waterproof camera tucked safely away into the front of my underwear, my race package, ready to rumble. (I actually kind of love how all the pictures developed pre-instagrammed.....disposable camera film is so high quality it's advanced before it's technology.)
Our first obstacle, and the last time we'd be dry for the next 1.5 hours was easy-peasy, as long as you didn't get caught up on a tire and fall on your face. But it wouldn't be long until we were running the remainder of the 6k sopping wet. 
My favorite was the adult homemade water-slide down a muddy slope into this tank with actual clean looking water......we didn't stay cleansed for long though, because clawing our way up that steep hill was a sure way to be covered in dirt again.

A little desert running in-between wet obstacles, and then it was time for the one that everyone had been a little nervous about, Hamburger Hill.
I took advice from the guy who's job was to watch everyone tackle this hill. His advice: take off in a dead sprint and momentum your way up the side.  
Another easy conquer.....I love flexing my arms and pretending there are muscles there. 
One of my favorite pictures of this race is Ryan helping Carrie to the top of Hamburger Hill. So sweet!.....Speaking of sweet, look at his footing, he must have been a ballerina in another life!
For the record, I had to beg Carrie to run this race with me. She hates being dirty, so seeing her filthy and covered in mud for a couple of hours was absolutely priceless. Her husband loved it,  and I think she actually didn't mind as much as she thought she would!
Basically the entire race reminded me of grown-up size things I used to enjoy doing as a kid....and an abbreviated episode of Survivor. I loved every minute of it!!!
We made a pact to stick to together, after all, it was about having fun, not achieving a PR.
A couple of minutes before it was our turn to cross these telephone poles, we witnessed a girl break her ankle. Snapped it right out of socket. As the medics carried her to safety, I started to worry that Patrick was going to chicken out, but he bucked up and took control of that pole like a pro. So proud of him!
The Monkey Bars and the Rope Climb are the only two obstacles that got the best of us (on a strong day, I may have been able to do better at these, but with everything wet and covered in mud, I didn't stand a chance), so we found ourselves doing remedial burpees. Bummer; I hate being beat. I've officially been motivated to start pumping some iron! 
You can never have enough water to save you from the Texas heat.
We did a bit of swimming with our shoes on, dove down a couple of slip and slides, and waded through some ponds......but the craziest water obstacle was a small above ground pool filled with iced water, lined with 4 wooden planks placed just above the water's surface. Their purpose was to force your head under water to get past each plank. The water was so cold that each time I went under, I think my heart stopped beating. I came up literally making involuntary sounds, gasping for air like someone had kicked me in the gut, and shaking all over. The only control I had over my body was assembling enough courage to force myself under each plank to get out! I decided then and there, had I been on the Titanic, I would have died immediately, and I grew a little more respect for Jack hanging on as long as he did.
After surviving the arctic tank temps, and slugging through mud as thick as chocolate pudding under low laying barbed wire, it was time to defeat The Beast, a dreaded 12 foot wall with a knotted rope hanging as a resource. 
I had managed to muster enough strength to get about 3/4 the way up the wall and then started to struggle. At that moment, a guy at the top of the wall offered his help. I accepted, knowing if I let go, I probably wouldn't be able to make it back up; I was at the point of no return. Sink or swim. Fall or climb. When he grabbed my arm I lost my footing, and found myself dangling, relying on my core and upper body muscles.......and a complete stranger to finish the job
My body kicked into survival mode and did the only thing there was left to do. I reached with my free arm, attempting to cling to him, grabbing his ass in the process. Then I reached with my other arm to complete the gesture. One thing was certain, I didn't care what or who I had to grab onto, I wasn't letting go. I'm sure my reach-around completely took him by surprise, but he handled it with grace.  
"I feel like I should ask for your number now," my new friend said after I made it over the top. 
I stayed to help Carrie over next, and when another person next to her needed help getting over, all I heard was, "Hey Ass-Grabber, help me finish getting this person over the wall!"
Nothing like good 'ol team work to bring people closer together!
We kicked off our shoes for donation and head to the "showers", AKA more shared dirty water. You know you're dirty when you don't hesitate to "bathe" in a muddy tank with 20 other people, and actually feel somewhat clean after.
We'll definitely being registering for another one of these; supporting the cure to Autism funds was a blast!!!!


Do you mind getting down and dirty???

Monday, June 18, 2012

Isn't It Ironic



Some "funny" things happened this week....
Despite taking thorough pride in my good taste in music, I can't help but enjoy a certain ridiculously teenie-bopper song on the radio, and made a vague statement about it on Facebook.....and everyone knew exactly what song I was talking about! And when I say everyone, I mean even Jimmy Fallon is on the same page! He must have been feelin' it too, because he featured it on his show this week, with The Roots, very appropriately playing classroom instruments.


Dang it, I hate when I actually enjoy a super gay song in the radio. Disappoints myself.
 ·  · 



Another humorous thing.....
A momma bird made a nest and laid an egg in our plant by the back porch door. We were completely unaware of this until Patrick walked out there with his sky scraping head and she tried to attack him! He was rightfully terrified and I laughed so hard when he told me about it. But now I'm starting to get a little scared......she just sits there and stares all intense and evil-like. She's ALWAYS there. But seriously, this bird means business. How am I suppose to water this plant now? 
To add to our comical week......
Patrick dropped my bottle of folic acid, spilling all the tablets on the wood floor and breaking the lid. Then he blames and curses the manufacturer for producing their product in a glass bottle......Because obviously if it wasn't a glass bottle the accident wouldn't have happened. 
And ironically........
For the first time ever in the history of our living in the Dallas area, I ran into someone I know at Walmart. So weird!!! Carrie found me in the men's underwear department! We finished shopping for the big Saturday morning event together, and decided to get together for dinner and a mini slumber party to celebrate Carrie and Ryan's first time to enjoy the White House children-free!


So....any nice and safe ideas to fix this bird situation we have on our hands??? What's your latest guilty pleasure song?


Thursday, June 14, 2012

Best Be So Awesome!

Typically, if I'm not complaining about something ridiculous that happened to me, I'm writing about myself, or bragging about my family. Today I have something positive to say......wait for it.......
ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE...
But don't worry, it still really boils down to being all about me! 
For the history of my life, I've had tiny ears, which was never a problem until it was way cool to ditch actual HEADphones and start wearing EARphones instead. Since then, I've purchase countless brands but have never been able to find a single pair that actually stay in my ears....until a couple of months ago. Once I discovered these IronMan earphones, my life changed forever. They're a bit pricey, but totally worth every penny, as long as you don't lose the rubber piece that screws into your ear. Lose that, and your up shit creek. 
I bet you can guess what I did, after owning them for a mere couple of weeks. 
For the last month, I've been running outside with only one earphone in my ear (which is actually safer), and the other, now useless piece, dangling in my sports bra musically hypnotizing my boobs. When I run at the gym I can't take hearing all the extra noise around me, so I tried to go back to my HEADphones last week, but got super agitated at my ears feeling pinned down to my head for an hour, so I finally braved Best Buy to give them my pitiful story about how I lost my earpiece weeks ago and was too lazy to bring them back until now. 
After the costumer service girl typed on the computer for what felt like 15 minutes, she went to get me a new pair. She came back smiling and said, "Just so you know, you really had no options.....But I felt horribly bad for you that you spent $60 on a pair of headphones that are now useless, so I'm labeling these at 'Manufacture-ally Damaged ' and exchanging them. Would you like to actually purchase the protection plan this time, so if ANYTHING happens in the future, you can get a new pair, no questions asked?" 
This is why I love Best Buy. They replaced my brand new camera after I got drunk and spilled kool-aid on it last year, making the shutter too sticky to open consistently. They replaced the mother board on our Mac after Lucifer spilled a glass of water on it only a week after we bought it. They sat with me last week and helped me download Photoshop on the computer, even though I didn't purchase it from them, and walked me through backing up my files, even though it's suppose to be against their policy to do it for free, and now they replaced my earphones, even though I was stupid enough not to purchase the protection plan in the first place, despite my track record....
And the second best part, is she "turned her head" while I stole the remaining rubber piece off the headphones I was returning, as a backup, just in case I accidentally lose another one.
I thanked a customer service guy for letting me monopolize his time last week and he said, "I don't mind, as long as your not hostile or mean.".....WHAT? People, stop being mean to these people, they are awesome!!
Thanks Best Buy {the people that work there}, for being so awesome!! Good thing not all of your costumers are like me, and actually take care of their shizzles, or you might go out of business!
 

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