Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Barbie's Dream

     I have a ritual when I get home in the mornings while Patrick is still nestled in the warm comfy blankets of our old tired bed. I stop by the bathroom door to tease the puppies behind the gate, then stumble my way through the dark while tripping on dog toys, to sit gently next to my handsome sleeping husband on the bed, lightly run my fingers through his distinguished salt and pepper hair while admiring his boyish good looks, and gingerly lean over to fart on his head softly kiss his forehead so he can have a sweet awakening before the screeching alarm is snoozed. He's a real peach in the morning too. Crabbier than a boiling lobster at a steak house.
      My man defies the odds. When I use him as a pillow for my naps and leave a ring of slimy drool love liquid on his shirt big enough to form a small bird bath, he never admits to it's gross factor. And I routinely turn native, if you will, allowing my mammoth ancestor's hair to reign free and proud on many other places than my noggin. He still claims I'm a sexy beast. We still share the same bed and sleep under the same blanket at night despite my frequent history of being cover-hogging aggressive, a slightly abusive dreamer, and performing nightly sit-ups while asleep. He still says I'm perfect despite all my flaws. I obviously care more about writing in my blog than contributing to washing a dish, but my left hand man always picks up the slack for his left hand women. (Get it? "Left" is the hand your wedding ring resides.) He must REALLY love me.     
     To the man that's strong enough to stay head over heals in love with a hard headed, bossy but well-intentioned, sloppy but organized, procrastinator that likes to get things done (whenever she gets good and ready), and a wild and crazy, but not too crazy girl like me:
     You're the chips to my salsa.
     I love you more. More than words could ever say. More than light could fill the day. More than nutella on my blueberry toast. I bet you know I love you most. Most of the days that end in "y". Most of the molecules that roam the sky. Most of the time you don't need a spy, 'cause you're my one and only guy. I love you more than most could know. My boasting is worthy 'cause  I ain't no Ho.........fooooool. Lets raise a toast and skinny dip in the pool, to the day we vowed 'till death do us stool?..........no.......no, that's not right. What did we say that happy memory of a day? 'Till death do us fart?.........no, that couldn't be the one. It's on the tip of my tongue. Oh yes! I remember now..........'Till death do us part!
     (Now back to the toast) You're the best kind of friend a person could want. The best kind of lover, the only I've got. Barbie couldn't dream of a better Ken doll. I love you forever, crabby mornings and all!
     Happy Anniversary, my love.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Pizazzy Panini: Weekly Wal-Lah

     A few years ago when Patrick introduced me to Corner Bakery, I begged him to take me back the very next day, and we did, becuase he loves me that much. When I worked in California, he used to bring me lunch every couple of weeks and guess what it would be?!?!? Not hard to guess, it was Corner Bakery. When I worked in San Antonio I asked the locals where the nearest Corner Barkery was and they thought I meant an actual bakery that could only be located on a corner street. How sad for them. Long story short, I only order one thing, becuase it's that good: Chicken Pomodoro Panini with Tomato Basil Soup.
     You want to know how I know that my version was abolutely delicious? Patrick is a real whimp about temperature hot things, and always waits until it's practically cold to eat. But not this time. This time I looked over and he had devoured the entire meal and his soup bowl was still steaming!

Dish # 1 Roasted Tomatoe Bisque: In a large pot mix 3 (14.5oz) cans of Fire Roasted Tomatoes, 1 (28oz) can of Crushed Tomatoes, 3 TBS crushed garlic, 2 cups chicken broth, 1 cup Half and Half, 4 TBS sugar (this neutralizes the acidity of the tomatoes). Season with black pepper, red pepper flakes, and basil to taste (the pepper flakes will really come out in flavor by day two, so don't get too carried away!). Simmer on medium heat, stirring occasionaly. By the time you finish everything else, the soup should be ready. When ready to serve, top individual bowl of soup with Texas Garlic and Cheese Croutons.
Dish # 2 Chicken Pomodoro Panini: Step 1: Turn the oven on Broil. Cover pan with foil (for easy clean up), place chicken breast in pan and season with dired basil, montreal steak seasoning, garlic and herb no added salt seasoning; place in oven on bottom rack. Turn when chicken white, and remove from oven as soon as it's white on other side to avoid overcooking.

Step 2: Thinly slice Roma Tomatoes and place in olive oiled cast iron skillet. Season with black pepper and cook on medium high on each side until browned (these will be our sundried tomatoes).
Step 3: Mix in a small bowl 1/2 sour cream and 1/2 mayo to make special sauce.
Step 4: Apply to each slice of Sourdough bread the sour cream/mayo sauce, and basil pesto. Then on the peice of bread that will toast on the pan first, add provolone cheese, spinach leaves, sundried tomatoes, and sliced chicken; cover with other slice of bread and toast in pan on medium heat, flip and repeat. (When grilling sandwhiches, I just spray Pam butter spray directly onto the outter peice of bread and then I don't have to worry about melting butter.) 
Step 5: Place that yummy-licious sandwhich on a pretty plate with Sea Salt and Pepper Kettle Chips and serve with the soup.

     Wal-lah! Try not to drool over your plate before you set it down on the T.V. tray for a proper meal in front of 'ol tube.  Don't be intimidated by the steps, this is super easy! Now no matter where we live, I will always be united with my second food love.

     **And then we had butterfinger icecream with strawberries, bananas, and hot fudge on top for dessert! Yummy!**

Friday, September 23, 2011

Eating Carpet, Not Carpet Munching

The Erectile Penis Rock

Some Major Climbing Cliffs
     Our last full day of vacation began with a group hike, which we thought was pretty uneventful until we looked back on pictures and saw that we very well could have been attacked by a bear! I vividly recall joking about the possibility of who would be the lucky soul to suck venom from my body if bit by a snake, and seeing captured pictures of a woman in the wilderness unaware of the mountain lion stalking in the brush, but never thought we would look back on our own pictures and see anything remotely as terrifying! Too bad we don't have pretend-investigative-movie-technology to zoom extra close into a digital image and it miraculously be defined enough to identify the bear from a rock and whether it was male or female.
The wand points to mystery......

Watch out for that Cacti when you land!

     We tried taking a short cut to finish the hike early, and ended up on a road in Eldorado Springs, strangely enough stumping our trail guide Heather, whom has lived her life hiking those trails, and had never experienced that exact one before. Leave it to us to bewilder the native! It was a nice easy ending though, and we got to see climbers on some of the most serious rock climbing cliffs in the country. We walked through the quaint little town and gawked at the homes, picking up the realtor papers while discussing which one we'd like to live in, as if we could afford to buy any of them.

"Save Eldorado"
     After making it back to civilization, replenishing our bodies with frozen yogurt (where I expelled one of the most amazingly robust belches in the history of belch-dom, probably making the woman with the young child behind us wonder how she was going dedicate the rest of her life teaching her child not to be so cool), and tidying ourselves to a respectable manner, we drove to Cindy and Craig's house for a beer tasting and pizza party. Cindy is my bosom kitchen friend, as Ann of Green Gables would put it. She was a great host, from providing food (pizza, cheese dip, white bean dip, pita chips, AND warm brownies a la mode with coffee ice cream; everything homemade) and encouraging laid-back entertainment, down to providing gifts for the winning beer bearers! We only had a couple of terrible beers in the batch, which resulted in creative ratings. The findings proved as long as the polls are anonymous, even men enjoy fruity beverages. Heather was one of the winners, with a raspberry wheat, and got to drink from her Pimp Stein the rest of the night, while I put my big girl panties on and sledded down the stairs on a knee board like a bolt of lightening, screaming the entire way down, and sampling the taste of Cindy and Craig's carpet when I landed! Then Angel and I had nurse bonding time, as she let me shoot her in the cushioned flesh that masks her sacrum with a blow dart gun (I kept my promise to be gentle, and Heather has yet to share those photos). Patrick forgot to bring the magic guitar to serenade us, but he did manage to squeeze into a ridiculously small jacket for a few smiles. The Cowboys won, and all was well with the Carruth's.
Eldorado Springs

Tiny Climbers

Just playing with Rattler Tails, no big deal. 
     Thank you to all who participated in making our anniversary vacation extra special. Especially Heather, who went above and beyond to make our stay as cozy as possible. She let me cook in her kitchen, leave my bathroom supplies all over her counter, and even sleep in her bed. You are an awesome member of the Thunderdome Crew, Heather!
Oh yes, that is quite the prize. 

Pimpin' it Well.

Tall guy in a little coat

What are your plans for the weekend?!?! Anything special you like to do to celebrate anniversaries?

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Soy Sauce Ponds and Frizzles

Starting the day with happy faces: A few of the "Thunderdome" crew
     I can't remember the last time I attended a parade, much less a tiny local parade to a town I've never been before! It was quite hilarious, making jabs at all little business' undertakes at making floats and local's passive aggressive attempts at declaring political statements using their cute children. We came for the candy, earned some sugar induced belly aches, and the stayed for the concluding Mariachi Band with dancing horses. As far as I could tell, it was a fairly normal day in town of Broomfield.

     We followed the parade with fried food, lemonade and funnel cakes....oh wait, I guess that's another fried food! Of all the food choices, we waited in line for a good 30 minutes to sample the Texas Tators booth. Why? Because I trust a Texan to make delicious grease saturated goods. Who knows what those other people were "frying" their food with; they could be air baking or using soy bean oil for all I know! We had some amazing home-made potato chips covered in cheese sauce and Cajun seasoning. Have you ever seen someone make potato chips with a power drill and nut? It is a mouth-watering experience that should not be missed in a lifetime.

     I witnessed my first dog jumping competition. We watched as owners ramped up their dogs in excitement and threw their favorite toy into a long-jump shaped water tank, measuring how far the dogs could leap into the water! The longest record was about 24 feet. It was one of the cutest things ever.
My first "Rodie" Bike ride!

Chillin' with Tals the dog
     Our crew, Heather's Fam + kpLove, decided to head back to the hizzle in time to beat the rain rolling in over the mountains. We were thrilled to see our modes of transportation were still in place, since no one wanted to tackle the task of stealing 6 bikes bungee locked together. Whew! Then the race was on: last one to the house buys the beer! Turns out Heather's parents are great sports and provided beer and snacks on the back porch regardless of wins or loses.

These didn't get their names "Orgasm Roll" and "Multiple Orgasm Roll" for no reason!
     We capped off the night on Pearl Street in Boulder, drooling over boots we can't afford, watching a Hula-Hoop Professional drag race a car, and eating our weight in sushi. I'm not sure if the waitress thought the tip was worth cleaning up after the 3 year old in a 30-something-year-old's body ( **Aghmmmm . . . .fake cough**... PATRICK), but Heather and I sure did have a blast laughing at the soy-sauce pond around his dinner-ware and teasing him about the floating food that mysteriously found itself in the fake river, directly in front of P-Dizzle himself.

 Ending the day with happy faces AND happy tummies!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Thank You Smart Phone

     Day two of vacation started with a lovely hike in Chautauqua Park, which is in Boulder, CO. The views were pleasant, the weather was perfect, and we were so wrapped up in the joy of it all that we got lost on the way back to the car!  We had decided to turn around since it looked like rain was on it's way and we had a date with a friend, and if not for Patrick's phone navigation App, I'm not sure how long it would have taken us to reach destination point.
    To continue on with my life written as a sitcom, after finishing the 2 hour hike with dreams of warm showers in our near future and hot wings washed down by fresh brewed beer on our minds, I realized my phone was no where to be found. After emptying both our camelbak's and searching every pocket we possessed, the only logical conclusion was my phone must have made an escape into the wilderness, fleeing from my captivity in desperation of freedom. The only problem was, by now it was probably regretting it's hasty decision and feeling a little scared and lonely. So the decision was made to postpone the indulgences of empty carbohydrates and BBQ sauce and pursue a rescue mission: operation find Kayla's phone.
     We marched forward like the brave souls we are, ignoring the altitude induced wheezing. I started jogging, hoping my 1 hour spin classes would prepare my legs for a 4 hour hike, praying to the Lord Almighty for a happy ending, and trying to gain ground on Patrick to relieve him of conquering any unnecessary mileage, since I knew he was pissed about the situation. You don't mess with a man and his beer time. You also should never try to come between a man and hot wings.
These little devil plant burs scared the crap out of me. I thought I was under attack by rampant insects! I think when I screamed in horror at these things, I must have dropped my phone and was too traumatized to remember.
     As I reached the ending point, did a quick search and saw nothing but gravel and grass, my heart began to sink. No phone. I should have known it would be too easy. So I started to turn around with my head hung low, contemplating what kind of lie I was going tell the insurance company to get a new one. . . . . . . . .
Keep your head up kid. Hold it high.
     . . . . . . . But wait . . . . . . .What's that sound? . ? . ? . ? . Could it be what I think it is? . ? . ? . ? . Is that the sweet little tune of my telephone ringing? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! It is! It is! I found it up a ways in the gravel. Patrick was concerned that I had been eaten by a bear or mountain lion, since he hadn't seen me in a long while, and decided to start doing all he could do, like call the phone I didn't have!
     I said it in the last post, and I'll say it again: Thank you, smart phone, thank you!
     We made it back to the car with jello legs, blistered feet, and thankful hearts, raced home to spiff up, and made it to Breckenridge Brewery and BBQ merely an hour late. Fashionably late, I like to say. We got to meet Patrick's friend, Stew's, six month old cutie pie and special lady friend. We got a intimate backstage tour of the brewery, a case of Christmas Ale that isn't even on the market for sale yet, and replenished our bodies with sacred masterpiece products of the Coloradans. All for the price of tipping our bartender. Now that's what I call a deal!
Things always work out in the end.

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