Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Muddy Ass Grabber

"Oh my gosh.......Just look at you!......You are COVERED in MUD!.....Those clothes are ruined! Where have you been????"
Quote by Sandra Evans, Loving mother of Me

I'm not sure how many times I heard that as a child, or how many loads of ruined laundry my mother attempted to save. All I remember is how fun it was to walk over to the Buzbee's house, run the water hose into the sand box, and spend countless hours having mud fights.....or going down to the river with my bother and making mud communities......or covering myself with that thick Brazos clay and pretend I was a sea monster.
I can't say I've done anything like that in a long time, until now...becuase we participated in the muddy Galdiator Rock n' Run on Saturday! We so cleverly named ourselves the Roamin' Undies, a play on words inspired by the Roman Gladiators and our underwear wearing, obstacle course tackling, super hero version of ourselves.
I can't deny, when I was putting on my clothes that morning, I heard my mom in the back of my head fretting, and I wondered, "Would these clothes be ruined?" Ugh, what a girl I've become.
We heard we should duct tape our shoes on, so as first timers, we took every piece of advice to heart, just in case.
Patrick cooled our nerves with a little comedic relief.
And before we knew it, we were standing at the starting line, ready for the gun to sound. I had my disposable waterproof camera tucked safely away into the front of my underwear, my race package, ready to rumble. (I actually kind of love how all the pictures developed pre-instagrammed.....disposable camera film is so high quality it's advanced before it's technology.)
Our first obstacle, and the last time we'd be dry for the next 1.5 hours was easy-peasy, as long as you didn't get caught up on a tire and fall on your face. But it wouldn't be long until we were running the remainder of the 6k sopping wet. 
My favorite was the adult homemade water-slide down a muddy slope into this tank with actual clean looking water......we didn't stay cleansed for long though, because clawing our way up that steep hill was a sure way to be covered in dirt again.

A little desert running in-between wet obstacles, and then it was time for the one that everyone had been a little nervous about, Hamburger Hill.
I took advice from the guy who's job was to watch everyone tackle this hill. His advice: take off in a dead sprint and momentum your way up the side.  
Another easy conquer.....I love flexing my arms and pretending there are muscles there. 
One of my favorite pictures of this race is Ryan helping Carrie to the top of Hamburger Hill. So sweet!.....Speaking of sweet, look at his footing, he must have been a ballerina in another life!
For the record, I had to beg Carrie to run this race with me. She hates being dirty, so seeing her filthy and covered in mud for a couple of hours was absolutely priceless. Her husband loved it,  and I think she actually didn't mind as much as she thought she would!
Basically the entire race reminded me of grown-up size things I used to enjoy doing as a kid....and an abbreviated episode of Survivor. I loved every minute of it!!!
We made a pact to stick to together, after all, it was about having fun, not achieving a PR.
A couple of minutes before it was our turn to cross these telephone poles, we witnessed a girl break her ankle. Snapped it right out of socket. As the medics carried her to safety, I started to worry that Patrick was going to chicken out, but he bucked up and took control of that pole like a pro. So proud of him!
The Monkey Bars and the Rope Climb are the only two obstacles that got the best of us (on a strong day, I may have been able to do better at these, but with everything wet and covered in mud, I didn't stand a chance), so we found ourselves doing remedial burpees. Bummer; I hate being beat. I've officially been motivated to start pumping some iron! 
You can never have enough water to save you from the Texas heat.
We did a bit of swimming with our shoes on, dove down a couple of slip and slides, and waded through some ponds......but the craziest water obstacle was a small above ground pool filled with iced water, lined with 4 wooden planks placed just above the water's surface. Their purpose was to force your head under water to get past each plank. The water was so cold that each time I went under, I think my heart stopped beating. I came up literally making involuntary sounds, gasping for air like someone had kicked me in the gut, and shaking all over. The only control I had over my body was assembling enough courage to force myself under each plank to get out! I decided then and there, had I been on the Titanic, I would have died immediately, and I grew a little more respect for Jack hanging on as long as he did.
After surviving the arctic tank temps, and slugging through mud as thick as chocolate pudding under low laying barbed wire, it was time to defeat The Beast, a dreaded 12 foot wall with a knotted rope hanging as a resource. 
I had managed to muster enough strength to get about 3/4 the way up the wall and then started to struggle. At that moment, a guy at the top of the wall offered his help. I accepted, knowing if I let go, I probably wouldn't be able to make it back up; I was at the point of no return. Sink or swim. Fall or climb. When he grabbed my arm I lost my footing, and found myself dangling, relying on my core and upper body muscles.......and a complete stranger to finish the job
My body kicked into survival mode and did the only thing there was left to do. I reached with my free arm, attempting to cling to him, grabbing his ass in the process. Then I reached with my other arm to complete the gesture. One thing was certain, I didn't care what or who I had to grab onto, I wasn't letting go. I'm sure my reach-around completely took him by surprise, but he handled it with grace.  
"I feel like I should ask for your number now," my new friend said after I made it over the top. 
I stayed to help Carrie over next, and when another person next to her needed help getting over, all I heard was, "Hey Ass-Grabber, help me finish getting this person over the wall!"
Nothing like good 'ol team work to bring people closer together!
We kicked off our shoes for donation and head to the "showers", AKA more shared dirty water. You know you're dirty when you don't hesitate to "bathe" in a muddy tank with 20 other people, and actually feel somewhat clean after.
We'll definitely being registering for another one of these; supporting the cure to Autism funds was a blast!!!!

Do you mind getting down and dirty???


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