Thursday, May 31, 2012

Let's Get Real: Panty Talk

I like to keep it real. It keeps things on an even keel for relativeness. So with that being said, I'm going to get serious. Right now.
You know how guys like to keep their underwear until the once medium size elastic band looks like it was originally created to be a draw string for an extra large man, and the inseam down the crack is frayed or ripped apart (probably deteriorated threads from too many farts)......and you start to worry if you throw them in the dryer one more time they may disintegrate? Well I've always thought that was dumb and unnecessary....until recently.
Not that I wear them too often, but when I do, I have a few fabulous pairs of underwear that just can't be replaced. My FAVORITES, that don't sneak up into forbidden territory at inappropriate times. Some of them, even with sentimental ties, such as the ones I wore on my wedding day.
I cleaned out my closet last week, purging all inessential, worn out, or outdated items, with one minor exception. It was brought to my attention that I had a drawer full of long ago faded granny-panties developing minor holes and frays (all my favorites).....and another drawer full of outcasts, known as the trespassers (or crackpassers, if you will).
I guess it's pretty bad when my husband tries to help me get my clothes together for work and says,"Are these okay? They have holes in them."
I just CAN'T get rid of them.......Must. Preserve. Favorite. Tattered. Panties.
I had to at least say I tried to be decent......
So now here I sit in a state of defeat, wearing my pretty panties, at work, with a permanent half-wedgie, after unsuccessfully, and probably non-discretely, trying to pick them out all night. 
It seems that finding the perfect pair of underwear is like finding the perfect man.

So, I guess my question is, am I alone on this? Is it just as difficult for everyone else to find winners?


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