Monday, May 7, 2012

Staying connected

A couple Patrick is acquaintances with from years ago (and has never met me), asked the two of us to list the top 10 ways we stay connected as a couple. The husband has been writing a book, and in a chapter, he wanted to interview couples on how they stay connected. 
We feel extremely honored that they were inspired enough by our relationship to contact us.

I don't do well at keeping secrets, so I thought I'd share our keys to a well-oiled-machine-of-a-relationship:

It was lust at first sight, infatuation at first outting, and love soon after, starting in October 2005. We devoted our lives to each other before God in September of 2008.

People say marriage is hard work. There could be some truth to that, but we firmly believe if you marry the right person, that "hard work" could be more accurately described as fun. It's extremely fulfilling to know the person you love is happy, and filling someone else's life with joy is nothing less than rewarding.

  1. We touch each other, a lot. Whether it's holding hands, playing footsie under the covers, or playful tickles, the power of touch shouldn't be underestimated.
  2. We thank each other constantly for doing even the most ordinary of things. "Thank you for taking out the trash." "Thanks for loving me." "Thanks for being so awesome." Feeling appreciated has a way of making life worth living.
  3. We give each other compliments often. Just knowing your partner thinks your sexy is one thing, but hearing it is almost flattering enough to count as foreplay.
  4. We play instruments, sing songs together, and have lots of concert dates. Music has a way of bonding souls. 
  5. We give each other permission to be ourselves, moody days, gassy days, sloppy days and the best of days. We know that feeling comfortable enough to hold nothing back just brings us closer.
  6. We sweat together, soaking in some vitamin D and releasing endorphins; it's a powerful trio.
  7. We kiss and hug often. Sweet, sexy, long or short, we do it, because intimacy feels wonderful.
  8. We surprise each other with little gifts. The element of surpise keeps things exciting.
  9. We keep it cheesy by writing to each other. Sneaky little "I love you" notes, cutsie poems on a facebook wall, a thank you letter in disquise as a blog post, and cleverly short emails. We keep them coming, documenting our favorite ones in a book at the end of the year, to read for a smile.
  10. We are quick to forgive and short to hold grudges. No one's perfect. It's far better to listen, learn, and laugh together, than to form frown wrinkles and tension head aches.  
  11. Each of us try to always put the other first. Feeling taken care of emotionally and physically, down to the simplest of acts, such as getting out two plates for dinner instead of one, feels royal, safe, reaching that layer of the mind that yearns to be nurtured. 
  12. We never stop seeking to know each other better. We ask the other how their day was, and go beyond. We talk about everything, deep and shallow, enjoying the mission of learning new things about the other.
  13. Each of us often tell the other how proud we are of them. Receiving positive feed back and feeling supported by your spouse can give you the confidence to excel and succeed in the world. 
I chose 13 for a few reasons. It's how many naturally came to us, it bugs a lot of people to end on a odd number, and I laugh in the face of unlucky hoaxes.
None of these things are particularly difficult, or take a great deal of complex thought, but they are all the little quirks in a relationship that work together to form a beautiful, exquisite privilege of this world, long lasting love.

I don't know how much of our story will be published, or when, or what the book will be titled, but when I do, I'll let you all know. It sounds like an endearing must read

What are your secrets to staying connected with your partner?


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