Monday, March 19, 2012

Get OFF Me, B****

We had a downtown picnic dinner before game day last week. I packed club sandwiches, tomato basil soup with parmesan baked pretzels, and Riesling. 
 We used our new handy-dandy picnic blanket/bag my mom got us for Christmas and each had our own amazing thermos' that keep liquid hot/cold for 7 hours with fold-up spoons that fit into the lids. Pretty nifty. I don't know why I can't think of a ideas like that first. If only......(Sigh).....I'd have so much more money.
 I couldn't drink all my wine we packed so I asked Patrick if he could sneak it in for me. Turns out skinny legged pants aren't really great for smuggling. I couldn't help but make a prediction of how it would go down if we actually tried it. 
"Sir, do you mind explaining to me what's in your pants??" the security gaurd would say. 
"My shlong. My well endowed shlong is in my pants. Why? Is there a problem?" that hunky smuggler man of mine would reply. 
"No Sir. Congratulations, sir. Please, enjoy the game. And stop by the bar on your way to your seat for a complimentary beer. Tell them I sent you, for being so awesome."
Patrick didn't think that's what would happen. So we brought it {the wine} back to the car instead. 
Not a bad view for our $5 parking, huh? I love that Patrick is man enough to carry my vividly pink bag to the car by himself. 
 Once upon a time, some years ago, I was quite a feisty one. Patrick loves to bring up the night we are at a bar and after some random drunk girl had used me as a crutch one too many times, I turned around, made a face similar to this one, and yelled, "Get OFF me, Bitch!"
She did, and I felt better. And Patrick laughed so hard, after getting over his initial period of shock
I'd like to think I've grown as a woman and moved on from such behavior, but the truth is, I will probably always be me, and can only take so much in this world before I release the feisty. 
I may have haggled a Referee. He deserved it. To be honest, if I had my zapper at the game, was close enough for contact, and knew I wouldn't go to jail, I probably would have used it on him. But since the criteria didn't meet, I'll stay armed and ready for that moment when the stars line up. 
I'll be very ready.
These acrobat guys entertained us for half-time. They were crazy strong. I know it's more impressive to use the weight of a male body as opposed to a female's for resistance training, but some of the things they were doing just would have seemed nicer to the eyes if it 
I was thinking about the co-ed thing when Patrick asked me, "Do you think they're Porn?" 
That's what I thought he said, anyway. Turns out that's not what he said. "Do I think they like popcorn?" I corrected myself, pulling my mind out of the gutter. Actually, I was drinking a Diet Coke and couldn't stop thinking about how good a bucket of butter saturated popcorn would be to pair with my soda. 
"Do. You. Think. They. Are. Foreign? Like, from another country????" he clarified.
" where?"
To which we both simultaneously voiced, "Russia."
Who knows why.
It's not everyday you see a man take his hands off his crotch-al-region to do something even less productive but impressive all at the same time!!!
"Look Mom, I told you I'd stop playing with it long enough to do something with myself one day!!!" is what that "probably Russian" fellow was thinking in his head.
  I struggle with holding a proper full plank position while lifting one leg using only my own body weight......and this guy is so cool he doesn't even need legs. 

 Do you have an inner feisty? When's the last time you used it? 


KpLoving It Copyright © 2011 -- Template created by O Pregador -- Powered by Blogger