Thursday, December 29, 2011

I Reek of Disappointment

     I had a scary dream last week. I don't know which part was more creepy; the fact that it could easily be a real life situation, or the part that I turned too violent. Again. In my dream, I was having car troubles, and an acquaintance offered to help. He was a medium built blonde haired male to which I can't recall a name. After fixing my car, I gave him a ride to his vehicle and said, "Thank you so much for the help." He responded, "Oh, no. A simple thank you is not enough. You must have mis-understood my conditions." Then things got really scary. Sensing something bad was about to happen, I parked the car in the corner of two buildings and opened my door to make an escape. He grabbed me and my purse before I was able to flee, but I managed to fumble in my purse long enough to get a grip on my stun gun (I carry it with me in real life when I go running alone. It's pink and very powerful. Just like a vagina.) I held the stun gun down to his flesh until his body displayed symptoms of dibilatating shock, and immediately retreated to the car for my get away. There was only one way to back the car out, being cornered in by the buildings, so when I gassed the pedal in reverse, I felt a large speed bump. I drove over the man. I had no choice. Freaked, I shifted to drive forward, desperate to find a safe place. Another speed bump. I immediately began to panic and called Patrick, worried that if I reported the incident to 911, I would be charged with murder. My body showed no signs of physical struggle, since I was able to gain control of the situation so rapidly, and I frantically considered ways I could prove my case of self defense and accidental man-slaughter. Plea temporary fear induced insanity? Would they question why I called my husband before dialing 911? It was at this moment of distress that my dream abruptly ended. Horrific nightmare. 
     I think I've mentioned before that I can sleep through anything. I wish I wouldn't have slept through that dream! My very first car accident was caused by me falling asleep at the wheel. With a wide open field to my left, and a barbed wire fence containing a neighbor's cattle to my right, I never even knew I closed my eyes until I felt the jolt of my Chevy Blazer crashing into a T-post. As soon as I re-oriented myself, my foot instinctively hit the brakes, but the barbed wire had already snapped and dug it's fangs across the entire width of the vehicle. I was only 0.25 miles away from home. 
     My success rate for finishing movies on the same night we start them is about 50%. Often times my heavy eye lids get the best of me, and we have to split the suspense, only getting through about 1 hour of film per night. I seriously don't know how I stay awake for much of anything in life. Maybe I'm dreaming the whole thing?
     After 6 years of being together, my husband still gets frustrated with me about this. My mom says it will all change one day when I have a baby. I'm not sure how much truth there is to that, but for now, I've hit an all time low. I was extremely excited about attending our first game of the season, for Patrick to finally get to sit in the seats I picked out for us months ago that I had to work 3 extra shifts to pay for! And then, the fatigue set in, creeping up on me like fog in the night. I actually slept through a basketball game, in the American Airlines Center amongst thousands of cheering fans, with the announcer chiming in every minute, a band playing nearby, and an annoying lady next to me clapping her folded poster in an obnoxiously loud manner. I have no explanation for my behavior. I'm embarrassed, but not as embarrassed as the Mav's should be for the way they've played the last couple of games. We abandoned our seats in the 3rd quarter, since being down by 30 and having a wife asleep on his shoulder probably wasn't the most exciting experience for you-know-who. 
     Little Sumo Wrestler was already on the same page. Ready to cuddle. We {Sumo and I} fight over this blanket nightly, that's why there's little specks on grass on it! 
        In case you were wondering, today is one of my most favorite days in the year. Yes. On this day, a few decades ago, a baby boy was born. That baby turned into a scrawny little kid with big ears and a silly personality, to later transform into the handsome wonderful man that I married a little over 3 years ago. His mother and father couldn't have raised a kinder, gentler, more thoughtful son/husband/best friend/brother. I am so thankful for every extra second he is here to bless my life. Happy Birthday, my love; you are the ink to my pen! Thanks for tolerating me.
     And for the record: Denver Nuggets really do have sissy colors. I don't care if they beat us.

What's the most exciting thing you've ever slept through?

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