Saturday, July 2, 2011

It's the Small Things in Life

"All the potty sitters, all the potty sitters" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (sang to the tune of all the single ladies). . . . . . . .(and then my husband sings) . . . . . . "If  you wanna see my sprocket put a sling on it!" (instead of if you liked then you shoulda put a ring on it)

     But seriously though, I'm curious. Are you a squatter or a paper layer-downer. Do you use toilet paper to line the toilet or that stupid seat shaped paper liner that always gets sucked into the water before you can turn around and sit on it? I have a simple decision making algorithm for my toiletry practices.

1.Who does the toilet belong to? ie: Walmart? Port-a-Potty Company? My mother?
     A. If it's my mother or a close friend/relative that I find to be clean, then its straight on the toilet seat for me.
     B. If it's someone I think may be gross or a public toilet proceed to step 2.
2. Is this a squatting appropriate situation?
     A. If feeling strong and not feeling gassy, then squat.
     B. If feeling tired move on to 3.
     C. If feeling gassy, who is around? If it would be funny (because you know if you're squatting, it's  way harder to be sneaky with the toots.) then squat.
     D. If gassy and it would be embarrassing, then move on to 3.
3. Is there a seat liner provided?
     A. If yes, do I feel in the mood to fight it? If yes then use liner.
     B. If no to either, use toilet paper.

This is Awesome.
**Don't forget to always flush a public toilet with your foot and to wash your hands!!!!**

     When Patrick and I were still new, I used to run the water in the morning while I did my bathroom thing so he couldn't hear my toilet-bowl farts. . . . . .until he caught on to me.  :)

     I was once in a movie theater bathroom and saw 4 girls all walk out straight from the stall. I'm going to try and believe that they all had hand sanitizer in their purse, although that should only be appropriate if there is no sink or soap available. So make sure you're always enlightened on the sanitary morals of the person you share your popcorn with.

     P.S. I went to bed this morning to a super duper sweet hand written note from my husband. It's content wasn't a typically romantic theme, but it was extremely romantic to me and I love him for it. (He is always self-conscious about his handwriting, but conditioned through my medical chart reading experience {Thank the Lord almost everything is via computer now!}, I think its sloppy but perfectly readable.)

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