Saturday, July 2, 2011

He's addicted

     It's a necessity for my superior comfort to apply chapstick before a work out. There's not much worse than breathing hard in and out your mouth on dry lips. The problem is sometimes I forget, but today, when I bent down to place my left foot into my spin shoe, a small object was blocking my toe placement. "What the heck is that?!?!. . . . . . .Oh, it's just some chapstick!" What a pleasant reminder! Is it gross that I didn't hesitate to put some on my lips after I pulled it out of my shoe? Atlease the lid was on! Don't judge me. 
     Some men where cracking me up today in class. First, the guy directly in front of me with the flowered flip flops, skinny butt, pigeon toed knees, and jiggly love handles that kept checking himself out in the mirror, made me really wonder what I must look like from behind. . . . . . . .Second the weirdo to my right wore board swimming trunks to class, making me wonder if he'd ever taken spin and how he would make it through class without chaffing. . . . . . .Third, the guy behind me bailed and got off his bike immediately after the instructor yelled out "This is it! No holding back! It's all out for the ride home!". . . . . . .Good thing I didn't have anyone to my left; who knows what he'd be like!

     I'm beginning to think it's going to be a strange day for the male species, because then this happened:

Just look at this nonsense!

     I'm almost stunned for words. Not completely stunned or I wouldn't be able to type about this, but you can catch my drift. My little boy has been forever tainted by a dry humping addiction as of this morning. He took a stroll down to the park and met a new dog, Harley. White poodle looking breed. Same size as Sumo. They instantly hit it off and played like they had been life long besties. Then, I don't know how it happened, but the situation quickly spiraled out of control. Sumo started with an innocent hump. I quickly put a stop to it, but the next thing you know, he can't stop humping. He's 69'ing Harley, humping him from the side, humping on top, humping doggy style, humping THE AIR! In the blink of an eye, he transformed into a nymphomaniac. Kelly (Harley's mom) and I started laughing so hard we couldn't breath. Oh ya, and we turned the stroller away so the poor kid wouldn't be exposed to the indecency. I got a short video, but it doesn't do justice to the air humping that transpired shortly prior, and you know you always miss the juicy stuff by the time you get the camera out. After Harley and his mom headed inside for the morning we started towards home, but our walk quickly came to a screeching halt. Why? Sumo didn't want to leave. He wanted to hump some more. He completely pulled back looking over his shoulder and longing for more a of good time, so I pulled harder. In response, he stopped and laid himself out on the pavement. No budging no matter what. I actually had to carry the hump-master home. I think his heart rate was a rough estimate of 300 beats per minute and respiratory rate about 100 breaths per minute. Talk about horny! We need to get those balls taking care of very soon. I have new found motivation.

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