Thursday, June 30, 2011

Those Bastards!

     I used to have the perfect pair of cheap sunglasses. They were cool. They were light and airy. They were a souvenir from Los Vegas. They were Aviators. And as of last summer, they are in the bottom of Lake Belton. Such a shame. I had just finished lecturing my nieces on the subject of how to protect one's sunglasses from becoming a fish toy, when I jumped off the boat into the deep green water, and as gravity was taking it's course, I heard shouting but couldn't register what it was about until it was too late. When I arose feeling refreshed from the water, I looked around to see gasping faces and hear Patrick saying, "Babe, you just jumped in the water with your sunglasses on!" "I did? Are you sure? They aren't on my face." And that's when it hit me. BAM! You just lost your favorite sunglasses fool. I suppose they were so comfortable I didn't even realize I had them on. But that's what happens when you lecture a child. "Do as I say, not as I do." Am I right or am I right?!?!
     Since, I've searched high and low for another pair under $10 that so perfectly fits my needs, but so far it seems hopeless. Too bulky, too tight, nose sliders, eyebrow pinchers (seriously). . . . . . .and those are just descriptions of the cream of the crop that I've actually bought! I'm too chicken, too rough, and too careless to spend a decent amount of money on a pair of quality sunglasses. And besides, the last time I had an expensive pair, they were stolen, straight out of my car! "You killed Kenny! Those Bastards!"
     Any advice? Anyone else have this problem?
     A couple of days ago at the gym I was having my "me time" on the bike, minding my own business, very introverted into my kindle, when something extremely obnoxious happened. Picture this: I work out in a huge gym. Lots of machines. Lots of rows. Lots of options. Lots of space. You can work out with no one beside you at any time of day. I happened to pick a stationary bike that is in a row of bikes spanning down the entire mirrored wall the width of the building. You know how many bikes that is? Probably like 25; and I was the only person riding one. That's is until this rude lady with her whipper snapper son (couldn't have been older that 8) came and sat on my immediate right, no space between. That would have been fine if they really wanted to work out, but what they really wanted to do is talk, whine, and argue. I kept giving the "sneaky" stink eye look in hopes of sending a hint their way, but the same type of person that would have the audacity to do such a thing is also the same type of person to act oblivious to my sudle gestures. Thank you lady who ruined my "me time", causing me to read every sentence 3 times and make my blood pressure boil. You stink. I kept my composure and restrained myself from having a "Carrie moment" (referring to Carrie from the sitcom King of Queens), but as a result, I still needed to vent the toxic negativeness from my body. So there. Now it's done.
 

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