After a bit of convincing on my part, I finally had Patrick on the same page with me to tell our immediate families the exciting, but guarded news. So the night we met up with everyone for the Baylor homecoming game, we made the hushed announcement. We were in need for a different kind of prayers now, the kind for calm nerves (for us), and healthy development (for baby).
The following Monday, I met Patrick at the doctor's office, still trying to eat the same mini package of freeze dried apples I'd been working on for the last hour, and only half ready since I had a choice between finishing my hair and makeup while puking in the sink or laying down under the fan for a few more minutes before getting behind the wheel to fight motion sickness on top of morning sickness. We sat there mindlessly flipping through magazines and pretending to care what was in them until my name was finally called, then braced ourselves as we slowly got up to follow the ultrasound tech.
The tech then explained to us she'd been informed about what we've been through and from then on, made it a point to be as assuring as possible by explaining every single step during the process we were already familiar with. "There's your baby! Do you see it?"
No. I didn't see it. I actually started to panic a little inside. Why couldn't I see a heartbeat? Where's the baby?! "I don't see it."
"Here, let me zoom in a little bit. It's there, I promise. Just very tiny right now. The little flicker; right there. That's the heart beat."
When we walked back out to the lobby to wait to be called to see the doctor, Patrick's insight hit home exactly. "When I walk into this place, I think I feel the same way the puppies feel when we bring them to the vet. Terrified something bad is going to happen."
But this time it didn't.
We were beyond thankful of our doctor's strong reassurance and understanding of our feelings without us even having to voice them. "Everything looks perfect. Measurements are spot on. Do you have any questions?"
"When do we come back for another ultrasound?" Patrick asked.
He suggested we come back sooner, but reinforced that there was absolutely no need other than keeping us from going crazy.
So here we go, taking things a couple of weeks at a time. A practice of patience.
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