Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Just Keep Swimming

You may not realize the distance of your empathy's limits, but there's no one to blame. It's impossible to relate if you've never gone through a similar struggle. 
When two people in love battle infertility, they look around and see healthy pregnancies everywhere. The time passes differently for them. It seems as though everyone else is having children on a whim or by accident. They cringe when people express anything but the uppermost gratitude of their blessings. Even the happiest of moments can seem bittersweet. Every wish they make is the same. They know they're not alone, yet feel isolated. It's personal. Swimming through this particular channel of life can be like slowly paddling through an ocean of molasses.
After years of symptoms (many of which have been more severe for the last 8 months), and trying to conceive for 2 years (somehow managing success once, but with an unrelated and unfavorable outcome), I've been diagnosed with PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome). What does this mean? It's now more prudent than ever for me to live a very healthy lifestyle to decrease the adverse health risks I'm faced with down the road, and we need lots of extra help to get pregnant. At least we have an answer and a stepping stone climb up from, but it doesn't make anything seem the least bit easier. 
I've decided to start taking the cards we've been dealt as a compliment, because the strongest and most capable characters are always tested to their limits. Even though it hurts, growing through the pain only makes us stronger. And every week when someone new asks me if I have children, I'll just smile through all the heartache and say, "Not yet." Patience is a virtue.
The joyful Dory may have been a bit dingy, but she was right. Now matter how deep, murky, cold, shallow, or viscous the water, we've got to "Just keep swimming."


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