Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Worse Than a Nightmare

There I was, innocently scrolling through my dimly lit phone, trying to pass the time during my now routine 1am insomnia episode while being as considerate as possible to my snoring beauty of a husband, when I felt a shift in my hair. Always paranoid when it comes to bugs residing in my hair (for good reason according to my unfortunate record), a brief tinge of panic rushed through my veins, but I kept calm, assuring myself it was just a strand of hair sliding down the pillow, rationalizing it's movement by the fan catching it for some strange reason. 
Then I felt the shift again. Okay, that was weird. Don't freak out. Don't freak out. 
The following seconds would be a blur of chaos as the over-sized lunatic moth (I had no idea what it was at the time) got a wild hair up it's butt and darted for my phone. I screeched a little and jumped up in bed faster than a wild monkey in a banana fight (except I went the opposing direction of the moth, unlike I would assume the monkey might do if it was fighting over a banana). This reaction would no doubt awake the slumbering husband, who of course, thought I had lost my mind. 
"There was a bug! A big crazy bug! In my hair! It landed on me and flew over my phone! I swear!"
.........Nothing? No response? 
Only confused and skeptical stares were being transmitted from the husband.
I turned the lamp on. No movement. No evidence. No bug. Geez, I'm looking pretty irrational right now.
"I'm positive there was a bug," I tried to convince him as I attempted half-heartily to settle back down. And just as my head was about 2 inches from the pillow, "I just can't find....." before I could finish, the spastic direction-ally challenged bug hit me in the face!
This time there wasn't a screech; it was a full blown scream. I'd had enough. I was thrashing the covers, darting around as best I could, determined to find and destroy this demon haunting my bed.
Patrick continued to stare in disbelief, glassy-eyed and blank-faced. "Are you okay? I didn't see anything. I don't have my glasses on."
"You didn't see that?!?! IT WAS THERE ON MY PILLOW, blending in with the brown, AND FLEW AT MY FACE! I SWEAR!"
After a few minutes of searching, I found the pesky critter lurking beside the night stand, where my hero in boxer briefs was quickly directed to immediately find and flush this new enemy. Alas, I was rescued, but unfortunately not before a good dose of adrenaline had been released into my system, resulting in even worse insomnia than normal.
This incident may have been nothing in the grand scheme of things, especially compared to the time a gigantic roach was in my hair and I stood on the table while Patrick took everything out from under the bed to murder the invader, or that other time I jumped in the car after watering the flowers, looked in the mirror and found a wolf spider lurking in my locks, my dramatic reaction almost causing us to have a wreck, but it was enough to keep me wide awake for another 2 hours!!!
Bugs + Bed = Definitely worse than a nightmare. 

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