Monday, September 15, 2014

Crack Kills, Drink Expresso Instead

I knew the time had to come eventually, but it really snuck up on me. 12 weeks is just too short. It's not fair. I mean....he's not even actually 3 months old yet! Going back to work is one of those inevitably unavoidable things most moms of the middle class face, and I'm no exception.
After a slightly dramatic start (due to my procrastination of waiting until the very afternoon I was suppose to return to get cleared by HR and not looking for my badge until 2 minutes AFTER I was suppose to leave for work), we officially survived our first week. It was hard, but doable, as long as no one asked me how I was doing. Being without your baby is like leaving behind a part of your body. Anytime someone brought up the subject, I had to fight back the tears and fake a smile. Only one person caught on to my scam, though, who pointed out my eyes weren't smiling; I'd say that meant I did pretty good.  
Even though sweet Tanya is coming over to watch Dillon Man (along with her adorable Emmersyn) two days a week to help give me time to sleep, I'm already suffering from a major case of jet lag. When the weekend hit, after rising from the couch in the late afternoon to push through my severe lethargy, I finally made it to the busiest mall in the world, North Park, and hit up the Nexpresso tasting bar for a couple of straight shots, no milk, of the strongest, most potent, options they offer.
Big, fat, oh so delicious, mistake. Did I mention I was at the busiest mall in the world, where it feels like Christmas and Tax-Free-Weekend combined, all year round?  Once my caffeine high kicked in, I was bobbin' and weavin' through the sea of people with a mission to move. Everyone else was in sow motion. I thought I was going to jump out of my skin once forced to stand in a line wrapped around the store.  People could probably hear my heart racing, and with a brow of nervous sweat as further evidence, they probably assumed I had recently been snorting crack in the bathroom (Get it? Because bathrooms are filled with crack.....butt cracks......{weirdest timing ever: a commercial on TV just said, "Shut your crack," as I finished typing that sentence.}) I tried to text through my jitters to pass the time. It was almost harder than texting I even remember what that's like, it's been so long!!!
Obviously, and I decided to save the rest of my breast milk for the next day, too scared to play with second hand caffeine fire for any of the remaining hours preceding Dillon's bedtime.
Notice to anyone with little boys: H&M has the most adorable wardrobe for the baby male species!
I've seemed to forget where I was going with this, other than to express that from now on, I'm going to need a lot of expresso to get through life until we win the lottery.
Anyone know the winning numbers? If you help me win, I promise to share.


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