Fortune Teller. Chapter 2.

You know how my left foot is covered with a giant tattoo of the ocean, all done in black and grey, and then there's that pink floating lotus flower on my outer ankle and a snow flake on my inner ankle??? Of course when I got it, it had plenty of meaning, but I never knew I was getting a tattoo of the future.

I had absolutely no clue my snow flake was the tip of an iceberg. I had not an inkling my dark waves were going to be the waves of constant struggles and emotions my future son would endure. I had no idea what my lotus flower was going to withstand, holding it's form and color no matter what. 

If everyone knew the future and what their personal journey of parenthood embodied for them, they might never take the plunge. ALL I can remember worrying about in reference to parenthood was losing precious sleep. That's it. I never considered a single other struggle that could come my way. It makes me chuckle just to think about that.

I am brave. I am strong. I am a mama bear. 

Dillon has a really good grasp on language now (yay). It's been a year since the last time I counted how many words were in his sentence, or sighed because the only brief sentences he muttered were scripted or a repeat of what I had just said. He still scripts some and repeats himself a lot, but he also has plenty of original thought language, great functional language, can process and express his emotional state with language, and even cracks a joke every now and then.

Patrick and I laughed so hard at the beach when I was stretching on the sand, and Dillon came up to me, squirting me in the head with his water gun while giggling and saying, "Oh! Sorry about your hat, Mommy!!" It was such a totally normal 5 year old boy thing to do, I couldn't even be mad. 

He doesn't always want to, though; it takes so much more effort for him to think in words. Often he just wants to completely zone out and watch his favorite show, Oscar's Oasis (that has zero words.....it's kinda like a modern day Roadrunner and Coyote). He can reenact every scene down to the tiniest detail from any show he watches (as he does all the time), and do a puzzle in record speed (especially those really hard slide puzzles), but it takes bribery to get a detail out of him about his day, and the detail is usually such a strange or small piece of information that I don't know what do with it.

As a word oriented person in a word oriented world, this is difficult for me. 

It's not countable the amount of times I've heard, "I'm frustrated" and "I can't do it" lately. It breaks my heart to hear him say this so many times a day. How terrible is it to have so many negative emotions all day long? I know his brain is working overtime, that all these "typical" moments take extra effort, and he gets tired, but what is he going to remember about these days?

As an internal optimist and someone who always has the feeling of "I can totally do that", I don't understand. 

He worries. Oh, he worries and frets. His latest worry is about his teeth. He saw Llama Llama lose a tooth on t.v. and now he's been holding onto his teeth for the last 3 weeks, to make sure they aren't falling out.....not in a funny way. Even when he's having fun, he may stop for a few seconds to hold onto his teeth and go deep in thought about it.

I've never been a worrier. I don't worry about much. But now this kid has me mulling over things all the time.

Every single month I ask myself, "Am I doing the right things? Am I doing everything I can to help my children grow up to be happy, thriving adults? Are they happy today? What school should Dillon go to? Do I further complicate our lives for quiet childcare that he loves or send him to a place everyone else goes to that he might hate? Do I keep him in all his therapies? Am I scaring him for life with this whole feeding therapy thing? Should I change the times of everything so he doesn't miss any school? How the heck am I going to get him everywhere? Am I being selfish or unfair for not wanting to send Mabel to school yet, even though I had already sent Dillon somewhere at her same age?"

The hard days hit really hard, crashing on everyone. No one goes emotionally untouched by them. And then the good moments come and they're joyful- even the most mundane of things- and I think, "Ah ha. Is this what it's like to be normal??" We get to feel almost normal so much more than we used to, and I'm utterly grateful for each savory minute. But that doesn't stop me from wanting more. Wanting more is what's gotten us this far.

I hope I saw the future when I got my latest tattoo. You know, that one with the vibrant geometric Mama bear and her happy buzzing busy bees working hard to pollinate and do their part in the world? Ya. That one. Like Dillon says with great confidence and excitement in reference to a chocolate glazed donut behind the glass counter, "I want THAT one, please!!!!"

Miss Mabel 18 Months: A Toddler at her Finest

Our Mabel is 18 months old and I could not have imagined a more beautiful little soul such as hers. Insert her "I'm trying to cooperate, but this is extremely boring, Mom" face.

She loves to tease. She thinks it's hilarious to lean in and pucker her lips for a kiss (making the "mmmmmmm" sound), and then when she's lured you about an inch from her mouth, she'll abort mission, shake her head "no", and laugh hysterically. She knows when I call her "Miss Mabel" that things are cool and casual, and when I call her "Mabel Jane" she is being ornery or rebellious. One of her favorite things to do is break free in her birthday suit and raid the house, squealing in delight as I run after her and yell, "Mabel Jane, you get back here!! I'm going to get you!" To which she runs faster and squeals louder. And diaper changes?? Forget it. She flips so fast on the changing table that most of the time I'm trying to put them on her standing up and on the go. 

She is the mediator. If Patrick is tickling me too much, all I have to do is call out her name and she immediately turns on the extremely dramatic waterworks to cut deep into her Daddy's empathy card, which gets him to stop. If Dillon and I are having a standoff because he refuses to pick something up off the floor, she runs to his rescue and picks it up. 

She may be a total girly girl and insist on a "bow" and "necklay" every single day and cry when she has to take her necklace off for sleep, but she doesn't take crap from anyone. This girl. This girl is the sweetest, but if she needs to stand up for herself, there's no hesitation. She knows when she's getting duped (as little sisters often do) and will fight back, but thankfully she is also quick to forgive. 

Her level of understanding is almost always surpassing my expectations. She laughs when we laugh and sometimes I wonder if she really knows why were are laughing. A couple of months ago I was standing in the bathroom braiding my hair. Mabel thought this was the ideal time for me to hold her, and when I didn't grant her wishes right away, she starting whining and pulling on my pajama pants. She eventually pulled so hard, they dropped to the floor and I was left naked from the waist down. Her interest then changed to what was directly in front of her and she just stood there, staring inquisitively. I looked down at her and said, "Yes. That is Mommy's vagina. You have a vagina too." After thinking about that for about 20 seconds, she looked down at herself, pulled her shirt up and sucked her belly in, trying diligently to locate her own lady parts. I never thought when I said that to her, she would actually comprehend what I was saying! My Nana has been calling her "wise" since she was only a few months old, and I think she hit the nail on the head.

Uncle Dusty thinks she speaks Chinese, but I try to tell him if he would listen really close, she is talking in sentences. Her vocabulary is outstanding (also evidenced by her receptive language skills), but we struggle on the daily with the words "Daddy vs. Dolly vs. Callie vs. Doggie" and "Mommy vs. Mine"......because those all kinda sound the same. At her 18 month checkup, when we were in the room alone, I burped. She looked up at me with this giant smile on her face and said, "Excuse me". Although her ability to repeat anything may be dangerous for a few reasons (like when Patrick or I slip up and say stuff we shouldn't around the kids), it's so releiving to have hope that we wont have to relive the struggles of delayed language. Having an older child with delayed language and a younger child with normal to advanced language is quite the interesting experience. We literally just finished the "no" stage with Dillon, and before we could catch our breath are going through it with Mabel. Mabel, being the character that she is, is switching things up, of course, and adding (and let's be clear, she doesn't use it lightly), "No. Stop it." Insert: Mind blown. Flabbergasted. What did you just say to me? Let's take the sass down a few notches before Mommy starts implementing grounding early. 

I'm sure anyone would have guessed after reading this much about her: she loves to practice independence. Maybe it's because I decorated her room with so many birds. Maybe it's because she knows I need her to be. Maybe it's because she's her Mama's daughter. She will walk anywhere by herself; I have to ask her to hold my hand. She is self content when we go to new and unusual places. She's adaptable and charming and daring and doesn't want me to help her too much.

She enjoys long talks with her best friend Dolly, who doesn't go anywhere without her tiny purple blanket known as Lovey. They both spend hours in Mabel's shopping cart, being pushed around the house, and help line up all the other baby's to feed and manage diaper changes.

And lastly, she loves her Daddy dearly, but I'm still her favorite (just how I like it). But even though I'm her favorite and she gives me kisses all day long, she refused to give me a single kiss during this photoshoot.....because she knew I REALLY wanted her to and apparently that's what my kids do when I really want them to do something.

What's a Blowout?

Inaugural day at Mclane Stadium. 

If we could be cookies or roast humans, that's exactly what we would have been after baking on the brand spankin' new black top asphalt for 4 hours in the August heat. Even with my attempts at hiding under an umbrella, I still managed to get mildly sunburned, and looked like a drowned rat from my own sweat. It sounds like a ton of fun, right? Regardless of our preferred tailgating conditions, coming out to celebrate this occasion was not optional, especially as a family of season ticket holders.  

Thousands of people joined us for Baylor's first game in the brand new football stadium, and every single person there was giddy with excitement. Helicopters swarmed the sky, fancy boats occupied the river sail-gaiting spots, and fans populated the entire radius like a colony of ants. A sold out season in it's finest.
But first, we kept tradition intact by meeting at Rudy's for a pre-tailgate BBQ lunch.

 And then, we checked out the new conveniently located family gig, the Wink's recently opened scooter store, Oso Scooters ("oso" is Spanish for "bear"......get it?)!!! Baylor campus never had it so good........a scooter store for rentals and purchases to get to and from class, dorms, and games......say what?!?!?

Back to the game.

By half time, we could barely hold our eyes open.......because being a parent automatically initiates you into the Ol'-Geezer-Bedtime Club.

I was so deliriously tired, my Mom asked me, "Was it a blow out?" (in reference to the game), and I told her a blow out is when you poop so big it leaks out of your diaper (thinking she asked, "what is a blowout?"). But yes, it was a blowout......a very sloppy one (pun intended).

Not Turning into Ogre's

There was a time in my life when "going out" always meant heading to the bar to party too hard, stay out as late as possible, lose my voice, pee behind bushes in public places because I didn't want to wait in the bathroom line, and cuss at some random clueless drunk girl for leaning on me too much. 

Now, "going out" means calling up a couple of friends to make an appearance at a red carpet event and sign a few autographs.

"It's boring, but....it's a part of my life."-- Anchorman

JUST KIDDING!  I really had you going.....didn't I? Maybe it would have been more believable if I said, "blue carpet"?

What "going out" means now is having a couple hours of just grown up bonding time (only a couple because I still have to pump, and we still have to get to bed by sunset so we don't turn into ogre's to be functional the next day).......and probably just one glass of wine, maybe two if I'm feeling frisky.

Not only was this last week our first trail of spending time away from Dillon, it was also our first time to take him to a restaurant, WITH us!

Even though our family lives two hours away, they've still managed to pitch in to help make all these milestones happen (But not without a little extra multitasking on my behalf.....like pumping and fixing my hair at the same time......wasn't THAT a sight for sore eyes!). 

Dillon got to meet his Great Grandmother, Nana, during this process, and Callie made sure  he was safe around this "new comer". 

And as fun as it is to get away for little pieces of time here and there, I still can't wait to get home and snuggle with my little milk monster.

Thank you, FAMILY, for pitching in, in all your ways, so Patrick and me can still be Patrick and me. We appreciate it tremendously.........but NO, you may not keep him for an entire week while we're in Colorado. No can do. Nope nopiddy nopesters.

Quite the Agenda

Remember when I mentioned earlier this week that thing about walking???

Well here's the evidence!! What I didn't mention is eating Hypnotic Donuts first. That place makes me happy.

My Mom and cousin Blake came to visit for the weekend with plans of helping us get some last minute stuff accomplished and cooking good food, and with only so many precious days left before the weather turns into triple digits, we took them to White Rock Lake to enjoy the wildflowers in bloom.

There's such a small window of the year when everything is so effortlessly green. 

We took, what could be, our very last family photo with just us 2 humans (if you don't count that gigantic belly I'm sporting) and 2 fur babies (who were apparently way more interested in something other than posing for the camera).

On our way out, I took notice to the most solid blanket of fallen cottonwood blooms I'd ever seen before in my life. 

Impressed by the irony and beauty of it all, I had to plop myself down in the middle of it for a cheesy photo or two. 

I'm so glad to be practically immune to all the gorgeously disguised allergens floating around during the spring season, but sadly my Mom and Blake fell victim, so we called it a day and headed indoors.

Lucky for us, indoors happens to be a very pleasant place where men cater to our every need, including but not limited to bringing my mom margaritas and holding her straw up to her mouth to prevent her manicure from slowing down her alcohol consumption.

Now that's what I call a Saturday agenda!!!

Nail Biters

Just picture it. The age old rivals......Mav's vs. Spurs. Game 6 of the playoffs. Spirits and tensions are high.

Patrick and I found some decent seats for a decent price and couldn't pass up the opportunity to root on our favorite basketball team, my favorite of all sports. I was fired up, but not as fired up as the loud mouthed drunk girl behind us who noticeably quieted down during the last half of the 4th quarter. And not as fired up as the man sitting below us in the suites who got an entire beer spilled on him during the game by the guys down our row......but pretty fired up.

It was everything a game 6 should be, quite the nail biter, especially since it gave these Mav Fans for Life (#MFFL) a glimspe of hope to make it to the next round. But we all know what happened next. The dog butted Spurs ate our lunch during game 7, leaving us in the dust.......and such is the heartache of a DFW sports fan. One day.....one fine day, Parker, Ginobili and Duncan are going to get old!

There's only a couple of ways to fix a broken heart, and although our hearts had yet to know exactly what was coming, we premedicated with Hypnotic Donuts. I'd heard nothing but good things about this dreamy donut shop, and we finally found the motivation to get out of bed early enough to snag a few of it's staples.

When you get to a place and the line is out the door.....you know it's going to be good. Expresso cake donut, donut covered in peanut butter/honey/banana/bacon, donut covered in maple glaze/bacon, the classic regular glazed and chocolate glazed, and my personal favorite..........(drum roll please)

The glazed donut cut in half like a bagel, turned inside out and paired with a perfectly battered piece of chicken with a little honey drizzle (the kind of sandwich that's so scrumptious you must make it a conscious decision to not accidentally bite your fingers off when going in for the chomp.......could this classify as a different kind of nail biter??). YES!!! Foodgasm.

A Saturday morning with the family can't get much better than a perfect spring picnic at the park, followed by a walk to burn 1/1000th of the calories we'd just consumed......because let's face it, I'm not quite as mobile these days as I usually am.
It was just the tip of the iceberg for our weekend of fun. My mom would soon be arriving to celebrate her birthday. After spending the day shopping, we opted for another food coma at La Hacienda and went to bed early in hopes of beating the heat come morning time. We needed all the cool air we could get to plant my herb garden (which is now getting eaten by some invisible pest that I can't seem to defeat) without me having a heat stroke.
The next nail biter on the list, who will win: the invisible un-satiate-able herb killers or the this human's organic home remedies?